PHAN ONE SHOTS :)

Not The Truth.

Warning: ANGST. JUST ANGST.

"Phil please, just listen to me!" Dan pleaded at the black haired man's retreating figure.

"There's nothing left to say." Phil said with a straight face.

"Phil, please..." Dan said his voice heavy with tears.

The door slammed and Dan was left to sit in the echoing silence of their London apartment.

"What have I done?" Dan said aloud to the silence.

Dan slid down the wall and cried into his hands. He regreted everything that came out of his mouth. He regreted his stupid temper showing up, but must of all he reverted uttering that sentence.

Just fucking leave Phil. You're only holding me back.

Tears slid down Dan's cheeks, the salty tears falling down and leaving dark marks in his jeans.
How could he have said that to Phil? What was happening to him? Without Phil he wouldn't even be here.

Dan was losing himself. The fame, the money, it was going to his head. He needed to take a break. Reevaluate his life.

But first he needed to apologize to Phil. He wanted to beg for forgiveness from his blue eyed Prince. Apologize a thousand times over for being a horrible human. He wanted to take it all back, How he wished he could.

It wasnt until 12 am that morning when Phil reappeared. He walked into the flat with bright red blood shot eyes, and tear stained eyes that fired shots of guilt at Dan's soul.

Dan ran up to Phil and immediately went to apologize.

"I'm so sorry Phil! I didn't mean any of it. Please don't believe anything I said. Please, Please, you are the single greatest thing that's ever happened to me." Dan said holding Phil's ice cold hands between his two warm ones.

Silence filled the flat, the air was thick with awkwardness.

"Please say something Phil..." Dan said in a small voice.

Phil's lips trembled trying to contain the tears that threatened to overflow. He looked at his shoes and wiped off the few stray tears that managed to escape.

"You-you know how, How they say the truth....How It comes out when you're angry? And even if you apologize later on, it's still there....like there's no taking it back?" Phil stuttered out.

Dan starred at Phil, a lump forming in his throat.

"But-Phil...I didn't mean any of that. I was just...I Just wanted to get you mad. I didnt mean it..." Dan tried to explain.

"Yes you did Dan. You did mean it, but that's okay, because you were right." Phil stated playing with the stray thread on his jeans.

"What? No phil! I was wrong! You have to believe me!" Dan shouted.

"I'm quitting YouTube." Phil said brushing past Dan to go to their room.

Dan grabbed Phil by the arm and turned him around, bringing them face to face again.

"Phil you can't do that! What about your career? What about your fans? What about-about us?" Dan asked tears leaking out of his eyes.

"Dan you're getting bigger on YouTube and my account isn't. You're gonna go places....and I dont wanna hold you back." Phil said.

"What? Hold me back? Phil you could never hold me back! I told you I was just mad!" Dan screeched.

Phil leaned in and kissed Dan on the forehead.

"No matter what, I really love you Dan Howell." Phil said before going to his bedroom.

Once again Dan followed him, only to see Phil pull out a duffle bag and start stuffing clothes in it.

"No. No Phil, Please. Please don't leave me. I need you." Dan was full on sobbing, tripping on all his words.

"I'm only holding You back." Phil said stuffing t-shirts into his bag.

"No. Please. Please. I can't live without you. I dont know how to function with out You!!! You can't leave me!" Dan was sobbing and screaming at the top of his lungs.

Dan slammed his fist against the wall. He let the tears fall down without regret. Phil couldn't leave him, he prayed to the God he didn't believe in to send help.

"Phil..." Dan's voice was weak. "Please, Please don't go."

"Bear...this won't last forever. You just need to find yourself. And I can't be around while you do that."

Phil walked out of the flat, and temporarily out of Dan's life.

Dan slid down the wall and clutched his sides. The one thing that he had always relied on, had left him.

He let out soft sobs and cursed his stupidity.

Phil walked out of his life just like that.

Dan didn't have a best friend for the first 18 years of his life. And he fucked up his first real friendship. His first real relationship.

He was lost, and his map, his Phil, had abandoned him.