Life is the Long Game

Chapter 4

Lucas's POV:

After putting Amelie down to bed, I just watch her sleep, whilst Riley goes into the kitchen and begins to prepare dinner. I'm trying not to let it show to anyone, but today was really hard for me, even before we went to the memorial, the grief wasn't very strong at the time, but now, back at school, where it all happened, seeing my best friends shot and unconscious, they didn't deserve to die, and especially not like that. I am so caught up in my thoughts, I only just notice the floods of tears that are rushing down my cheeks. I lost my best friend, my brother from another mother, the person I grew up with, I can't believe he is gone. I hear Amelie stir and wake up peacefully, I walk over to her and pick her up.
"Hey baby girl. You need to try to get some sleep because you're sick, yes you are. You're so beautiful, your Uncle Zay would've loved you, although babies always used to scare him until he got used to them, he would have made a great dad some day..." I trail off as my voice cracks and I am actually crying properly now. I pull Amelie close into my chest, and rock her to sleep as I sob quietly. I miss Zay so much more than I ever imagined. And Smackle, was the sort of person who'd never have a right time to die, I miss her 'flirting' and our banter, but I somehow mourned her easier, I think it might be that we weren't as close as Zay and I, or that she practically died right in front of us. When I slow my breathing and my cries come to a halt, I can tell that Amelie is sound asleep, so I lower her back to her cot gently.
"Lucas! Dinner is being served!" Riley calls out.
"Okay!" I check that you can't tell I've been crying and go to the kitchen.
"What we having?" I say coming up behind her and wrapping my hands around her waist.
"Just chilli and rice."
"Mmm, your chilli is the best."
"Aww thanks. Here you go." She passes me mine and we go and sit at the table.
We eat in silence for a while, before Riley attempts some small talk.
"Hey, can you tell me what's up now Lucas?" Riley asks in a caring tone.
"Huh?"
"You seemed very quiet and distracted today at school, is everything alright, you know you can tell me anything, don't you?" I feel her soft touch on my hand and it still makes my heart skip a beat.
"Today was really hard for me Riley."
"What do you mean?" I grab the empty dishes and rinse them before putting them in the dishwasher.
I take her hand and go to her bay window, and stay quiet for a while.
"I-i just really miss Zay, Riley, he was like a brother to me and it only hit me today that he was gone and nobody will ever see him again. I just really miss him, I don't know what to do, I'm sorry." I break down to tears, and Riley holds me tightly.
"Lucas, listen to me, you'll be okay, it'll be okay."
"I'm sorry, I just have no strength left to be the strong one who never falls apart, I'm falling apart, I'm sorry Riley, help me." I cry harder and Riley hushes me soothingly.
"Lucas, we'll get through this together. Stop apologising, it's okay to not always be strong, but you do have strength, because you have me, and you have Amelie, and Farkle and Maya and Uncle Josh. We are all each other's strength and we are still here, okay, we were there for Farkle, and now we are here for you, we're always here for each other."
I slow my sobs and look up at Riley.
She strokes my cheek softly, and wipes away my tears with her thumb.
"Lucas. I love you. Don't ever forget that."
"I won't. I love you so much Riley." She kisses me kindly.
"Thank you." I whisper.
"I'm always here, now how about we go get an early night."
"You're right, we didn't get enough sleep last night, and today's been a really long day."
We get up and go to our room and get into bed.
"I-I've been getting nightmares." I whisper.
"About what? The shooting?"
I nod.
"Then we'll get through them together too, and if you have one, then wake me up and tell me, okay?"
"Thank you."
"Good night my love."
"Sleep tight beautiful."
We kiss for a short moment and snuggle down to get some much needed sleep.