Life is the Long Game

Chapter 55

*2 weeks later*

Josh's POV:

The sound of Maya screaming wakes me up suddenly, I jolt up right away and face her, I can tell by the look on her face she is having another nightmare, ever since we found out she was pregnant she's been having nightmares almost every night. I'm starting to get really worried, because now Maya isn't sleeping properly and she looks really tired.
"Hey, Maya, it's okay. I'm here, wake up, it is only a dream, you can wake up." I say over and over again to her, holding her tightly and rocking her back and fourth until the screams turn into sobs meaning Maya has woken up.
"I'm sorry for waking you up Josh." She says, looking up at me. It breaks my heart to see the fear, sadness and pain in her eyes, I just hold her closer and tighter because I don't know what else I can do.
"It's okay. I'm here for you, okay, we'll get through this together."
"They just keep getting worse though Josh and I don't know how to make them stop."
"Well, Maya maybe we could talk about them, I mean you've been getting them for 2 weeks now, and you haven't told me anything about them." I tell her still holding her tightly.
"I-I guess I can try. But can we go and sit in the living room?" She asks still sobbing.
"Of course baby." I kiss her forehead and help her out of bed, she squints and it alarms me. "Are you okay?" I ask her, concerned.
"Yeah, I just am really tired and it's cold. To be honest I just generally don't feel well. It's fine though." She tells me. I place my hand on her forehead, she's really cold.
"Oh baby, you're freezing." I quickly grab my hoodie and throw it to her, she puts it on over her t-shirt and shorts, it's comes down to her knees as she is 6 inches smaller than me and has a generally petite figure. We walk into the living room and I go to the kitchen and make us some hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows. I walk back into the living room and pass Maya her drink.
"Thank you Josh."
"My pleasure, now Maya please talk to me about the dreams." I say, placing our drinks onto the coffee table and pulling Maya close to me, and she snuggles into me even closer.
"They are all really similar, but they get worse each time."
"What happens?" I ask her, before noticing the tears forming.
"The first one, I was much more pregnant and it started with just Kelly saying it, but then I to Riley and she agreed and then everyone was saying it and other hurtful things, even you towards the end and then I run away and try to start a new life for the baby but then I walk past a bridge and almost jump of it but then remember the baby, I back away but the there is a huge truck." She sobs.
"Maya, baby what are they saying?"
"That I'm going to be a worse mother than mine because no child should have a mother that tried to commit suicide or self harms, I mean harmed. That was the first dream anyway." She goes on to explain. Then I process what she said.
"Wait, Maya, have you? I thought you were clean? How did I not notice them? Please show me?" I ramble on, she said self harms not self harmed, at lease not until a second thought. She just cries.
"Okay, well then just tell me about the rest of the dreams then."
"There's one where I'm heavily pregnant and Kelly is working at NYU and she says that unless they remove our baby then I can never go to any school again. She then kidnaps me and tied me to a bed and whilst I'm conscious cuts open my stomach and rips out the baby and I try to stop get but I can't and then she sits me up and forces me to watch her torture our baby to death. It feels so real. And there is a few where we the baby is in my arms and Kelly literally snatches it from my arms and you chase after her and tell me to stay at home but I secretly follow you then I see you two have sex then hurt and kill the baby, I scream but nothing works. And one where I'm a bit more pregnant and I start bleeding and cramping and I tell you and then you get further away and I scream and scream and nothing happens until Kelly comes and beats me to death. I'm so scared to sleep Joshua." She cries, I'm shocked at the horrible things she has to see.
"Anymore?"
"Not really they are just all variations of the situations I told you."
"Maya, why is Kelly in them all?"
"I don't know, I'm scared she is gonna do something to us or the baby Josh. She hasn't come back for a bit and I think she is gonna do something bad Josh."
"Maya, I won't let her or anyone hurt you or the baby, I made a promise to you that I wouldn't, and I keep my promises because I love you two." I assure her.
"I just, it makes me question what having a baby will do to our life."
"What do you mean? You're happy about it, right?"
"Yeah, forget I said anything." She says, and finishes off her hot chocolate before rushing off to our room. I leave it a moment or two and then follow her.

Maya's POV:

I rush off to our bedroom and find my blade. I quickly lock the door and slide down to the floor, I cut my hips, the tops of my thighs, my ankles, the top of my arms, anywhere that I can hide from Josh. I let out a few loud sobs.
"I'm going to be a terrible mother, the baby might as well die and do it's self a favour. Josh will leave me anyways. I can't stand the nightmares anymore. I just wish I never got pregnant." I whisper to myself.
"Maya?" Josh repeats over and over.
"Maya, if you are by the door you might wanna move because if you don't open the door I'll knock it down. Please let me in, I'm worried about you." He's crying.
"Okay." I quickly open the door. A look of hurt and sadness grows into his face.
"What?" I ask.
"Maya. You've relapsed. Badly." He says, then I realise I haven't covered any of my cuts.
"I'm sorry." It's all I can say.
"Oh God, Josh the baby. I'm sorry." Even though I was thinking about the baby I didn't think about it when I was cutting. He hugs me tightly and carries me onto the bed and grabs a wet cloth to clean my cuts. He also picks up my blade and chucks it out the window.
"Maya. Just talk to me. If not for you, the baby. You know I love you and only tell you to talk to me because I do and I don't like seeing you in this pain. Cutting is a short term solution to a long term problem. It only takes the pain away for a moment, you've told me that before and that it only makes things worse because you feel happy then you see the cuts or scars and feel sad again. I don't know what else to say, just I love you."
"I'm sorry." I sob into his chest. "I don't know what to say either. I love you too. Josh I love you so much. Please don't ever leave me because of this."
"I will never leave you. Ever." He swears and I cry still, until I have cried myself to sleep.