The Bad Tour(ture)

Chapter 30 - Smooth Criminal

Out of all the men in the world, I fell in love with the most popular one.  I fell in love with the greatest entertainer who ever walked on Earth and on top of that...I fell in love with him at his peak.

It was very hard for me.  No one really knew who I was yet.  And any other girl would be so proud to say 'hey I'm Michael Jackson's girl' but I was too afraid it would compromise my music career before it even started.  I was afraid I would get stuck in his shadow.  But as time went on, that fear began to fade away.  A different fear was building inside me contradicting the old.  I was afraid of losing him if I didn't say something.

It was The Grammys...of 1988.  It was definitely The Grammys.  It was New York City actually.  So much happened during the small time frame in March that we were there.

Going to the Grammys with Michael wasn't what I thought it would be.  We didn't walk the red carpet.  He doesn't do that...he doesn't even give interviews so that slipped my mind but it was not as fun as I hoped it would be.  He was backstage for some time because he had to perform.  He was going to do The Way You Make You Make Me Feel and Man in the Mirror.  I was very excited to see it.  I never really got to see him perform from an audience.  I was always up there on stage with him so it was a real treat for me.  He invited me to go and watch it from the stage but I told him I wanted to watch him from the crowd so I stayed behind.  So there I was, sitting next to Stevie Wonder himself and Quincy Jones, waiting for My King to perform.

When it was finally time, I felt my heart racing.  I was so excited but I felt nervous for him as well.  I don't know where that emotion sparked from.  Probably because I was so protective of him.

I intently watched his silhouette move on the screen and as it rose, I realized he was all alone up there and singing acapella.  It was different but I loved it.  The beat came in after the first verse and Tatiana came across the stage.  I was expecting her to be up there much longer but to my surprise, and my pleasure, she was only there for less than ten seconds.  It was perfect.  I was a little afraid she would steal the show but Michael knew what he was doing.  This was The Grammys, not one of his concerts. 

His dancing was amazing.  I was very very pleased with the show he was giving me.  I wanted to look around and witness other people's reactions but I was too locked in on him.  I couldn't take my attention off of him; I didn't even want to blink. 

Everyone clapped for him at the end of the song but then Man in the Mirror followed behind.  I was so anxious to see this because he showed so much emotion in the song at the few shows we had in Kansas City.

When Siedah Garrett stepped out on stage with a few other people, I wanted to jump out of my seat.  I was so excited to see her!  I knew she was the one who wrote the song Man in the Mirror but I was singing her part of I Just Can't Stop Loving You on the tour and I always just wanted to talk to her about it.  I always felt I had to do her justice.  They'll always be her songs to me. I had been waiting to meet her.

A full choir joined Michael on stage towards the end of the performance which made it all more emotional.  Michael was so into it.  He was jumping up and down, shaking every part of his body, sweat and hair was flying everywhere.  Absolutely amazing.  I think I was the first person to stand up when he yelled, "Stand up for me, sistah!"  When he dropped to the floor and began his breakdown, I swear I had tears in my eyes.  Everything was just...perfecto.

I was so inspired, I wanted to run up there and sing with him.  And I just hoped everyone was listening to what he was saying.  He wasn't doing all of that because he was trying to put on a good show; you can't rehearse that.  He was genuinely driven by the music and the lyrics and it was all so raw and real.  I'm very lucky to have witnessed that performance live.  It was the greatest Grammy performance in my opinion. 

"Make that change."  He ended his performance with that message like he always does.

And I knew the cameras were on me as everyone just stood there, blown away, clapping.  I had the biggest smile on my face and I wanted to run backstage to be with him.

 He had a nomination coming up so he was to stay back there just in case he won.  But as bad as I wanted to be with him and hug him and say 'great job,' I knew he would want me to stay in my seat just in case he won...or didn't win.  If he was to win, he was going to thank me for accompanying him and if he wasn't, he would be pissed and he probably didn't want me to see his reaction.  I don't even think I wanted to see it.

The award was for album of the year.  I was just sitting there, so stiff and nervous.  I wanted him to win.  Not because I loved him but because I felt he deserved it and I personally felt he had the best album out of all the nominees.  I heard the other nominee's albums and Bad was my favorite.

But out of all the presenters, they chose Diana Ross to present this award.  My brain started overworking itself again.  I just kept picturing Michael winning and going up there and giving her a long intimate hug.  I didn't want to witness that.

"And the album of the year goes to..."

I took a deep breath before they announced...

"U2!  The Joshua Tree!"

My heart dropped to the pit of my belly.  "Wow," I accidentally said out loud.  Quincy just tapped my knee like he was saying 'it's okay.  We'll get them next time.' 

I started thinking 'Oh my God, I wonder what Michael is doing, what he's thinking.'  I knew how important this was to him and it just made no sense after he just got done giving such a performance.  He was definitely robbed.

"Maybe you should go be with him now," Quincy whispered in my ear.

"You think he'd want to see me right now?"

"I'm pretty sure he's upset.  Just go make him feel better.  I know he really likes you."

I smiled at him.  I didn't know how much he knew of Michael and I.  "I'll be back."  I stood up from my seat.

"Bring him back smiling," I heard him say as I made my way out of our row and to the aisle. It was a break in the show and I tried not to pay any mind to all the eyes that were following me as I walked backstage.  I looked over and saw Whitney Houston smirking at me. 

Whitney...Frank mentioned her as well.  Ugh.  There's Whitney, Diana, Tatiana and Karen and God knows who else?  I was screaming on the inside.

The first person I saw backstage was Tatiana.  She was off in the corner alone just watching everyone mingle.  Then I saw Frank.  I made my way over to him.  "Hey."

"Oh hey."  Even Frank looked pissed off.  The mood was very...intense back there.

"Where is he?"

He pointed to a door.  "He's changing."

"Can I see him?"

"Of course."  Frank was much nicer to me this time around.  He wanted to manage me and I was still 'thinking about it.'

As I walked closer to the door of his dressing room, I saw Karen standing outside of it along with some of Michael's other personnel.  This only meant one thing, he wanted privacy.  His door was closed.  I just stopped and stared at it from a distance.  Then I heard Quincy's voice in my head.  Maybe you should go be with him now.  I started walking towards the door and I ignored everyone who was standing around chit chatting amongst themselves.  I knocked on it but as I did the door slightly opened.  It wasn't shut all the way.  I peeked inside and what did I see?