DIPPER X BILL ONE SHOTS

The Restricted Hallway

***Bill***

It's just another average day in high school again, nothing special at all. I walk to my last hour class on the brink of tears and two steps from a panic attack that could last for god knows how long. No one pays attention to me at all. The one two I can even consider friends are sophomores and are at the other school. I see them after school during the drama practises, though, but that's it.

I eventually step into Anatomy class, my last hour for the day. I sit down in my regular old seat and stare blankly at the board as I write down the notes Mr. Gomez already has for us on the board. It's boring, and my mind travels to different things.

What are you so worried and sad and scared and tortured for? It's all in your head, Bill. It's all in your head.

You have a good life. Your parents love you and accept you, you have food and a nice home, you're two months from finishing high school, no one hates you. You have nothing to be depressed over. You shouldn't have this looming anxiety that hangs onto like it depends on you. You shouldn't be paranoid over everything because not everything and everyone is out to get you. You shouldn't hate yourself; you have a good body and a healthy heart.

What is wrong with you? Nome of it is real. You're just going insane. They'll put you in the looney bin if they find out. You see things and hear things that aren't supposed to be seen or heard. You're nuts and you're problems aren't real. You are a failure, Bill.

The voices chime in my head, each one different and distorted, but all of them using mine as its root voice. They're all right... I'm insane... I have nothing to have problems for. I need to be sent to looney bin before I hurt someone else or myself. I'm pathetic, weak, and an attention whore. I was a mistake and born a bastard by a cheating mother who almost killed herself because of my biological father. I let them both down, either way.

I am a failure.

No one can convince me to believe otherwise, even the one I have fallen in live with, because the words they say are all lies. I don't know if they really care or if they're really trying to be friends. They could just be collecting information to suddenly give out some random day when no one expects it. They could be secretly planning to kidnap me and send me away. They could be planning to hurt me. Who knows except for them.

I'm afraid of pain, which is the only reason I'm afraid of people. They cause you pain, you cause them pain. There are two people I'm not afraid of, though, and it's only because I know they wouldn't hurt me.

They would kill me.

I'm not afraid of death. I'm not afraid to suddenly just be gone. No one besides the four people I know would notice. Everything would be better, too. I wouldn't have to deal with life anymore.

Life is a temporary problem to which the only solution is death.

I hear the bell ring in my ears again.

A whole class period of me thinking about my problems and paying no attention to the class itself. How selfish of me...

I stand and start walking to drama rehearsals for the upcoming play. I have a small part in it, like always, but that's what I want. Plus, the drama teacher knows I have those moments where I need to step out for a while and that those moments are very common. Because of that, she gives me the roles that don't need to be present, and I thank her for it.

I walk into the usual rehearsals spot and set my stuff down. I sit on the end of the stage with my feet dangling off the edge of it into the pit. It's quiet. A few people are already here, but no one speaks. I stare blankly into the empty audience, my mind completely empty.