𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥 » 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘻𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 ✓

four

"do you love me harry?"

the green eyes boy stares into the eyes of his boyfriend's twin, who's staring back into his intently. releasing his lip from between his teeth, he speaks softly as if he doesn't want zack to hear.

"i don't love you like i love zayn."

"and why's that?" his eyes grow firm and dark, peering into harry's, an unknown emotion burning in his chest at harry's words.

"you're not like zayn."

he laughs darkly, twirling a finger around a strand of harry's hair.

"what makes me different?"

harry breaths out, getting chills as zack runs his fingers down his side's until they stop at his hips.

"you hurt me." harry's voice is small and frightened as he looks down, breaking his eye contact with zack. zack tilts his head slightly and lifts harry's head back up by his chin.

"what if i stopped?"

"i won't hurt anymore."

"and what do i get in return?"

"w-what do you want?"

"will you ever love me?"

"never."

"that's all i ever wanted harry."

.

harry sits up in his bed for what feels like the fifth time. he couldn't sleep at all and the memories clouding his mind wasn't helping at all. he wishes he could just be able to not think at all, but always, his mind is racing. he keeps having flashbacks and dreams. harry thought back to that day. it happened during the summer before he had even become a college freshman. and it was just beginning, the thing he and zack had going. whatever it was. what does he even call it?

was it possibly cheating?

harry told himself it wasn't since zack was the one forcing him into things and always barking demands at him. he was basically zack's little puppet. but harry did think sometimes maybe he was cheating on zayn. but how was he? He never initiated anything that happened between he and zack, never willingly kissed him or touched him. and it's not like they were involved in any sexual acts. harry thanked god for that. but he was still afraid that maybe it would get sexual soon.

yeah, zack did touch him, but he never went as far as forcing him to participate in sex or any of sexual things. but just because he didn't do it now, doesn't mean he wasn't planning on it later. harry couldn't let it get that far, it would kill him and it would kill zayn more if he ever found out.

harry does think about it everyday, maybe he should tell zayn, tell one of his friends. but whenever it came to him, he got choked up, he became speechless, and his mind just froze. how was he to tell them? how does he even begin to explain to them what has been going on?

"guys, zack has been harassing me and hitting me for months, would you mind lending a hand?"

harry sighs again, rubbing a hand over his face. yeah, that's a good approach. he leans over the side of his bed to grab his phone that's on the floor charging and looks at the time. 3:45 AM. he lets a breath. he was never going to get any sleep thinking the way he was. he needed to just clear his mind and let himself fade back into the darkness, and not have images invading his mind. but he knew it wasn't that easy, harry always had something on his mind that was very distracting. he was thankful that it was friday and he only had one class that was in the morning. so maybe he could make it through that class and come back to sleep in.