Complicated Love

Chapter 26: Paranoid

I keep reminscing the time when me and Carl officially became a couple.

Those times when I was fangirling over him,those times when I realized I already love him,that time that he confessed,and that time that I answered "Yes".

Di pa rin nawala yung feeling. Ang saya-saya pa rin. After all,it's already December 21. Yes,it's already Christmas Break. Yes,1st monthsary namin.

Malungkot lang kasi walang pasok so di kami magkikita. Pero paminsan-minsan,andyan sya sa labas ng bahay,nakatayo. With lots of chocolate in his hands. Para bang araw-araw pa rin nya ko nililigawan.

Tapos minsan pag nagtotopak ako dahil lang sa hindi sya nagrereply,pupuntahan nya ko sa bahay para lang suyuin at lambingin tapos magsosorry sya nang magsosorry. Then matatawa na lang ako kasi ang liliit ng reason nung hindi nya pag-reply tapos nagagalit ako. Ayun pala,napaka-bagal lang talaga nya kumilos kaya kahit maliit na bagay,hindi nya magawa ng mabilis.

As I remember some of our memories while laying in my bed,I looked at my phone. There's no text or even chat message from him. 11pm na oh. Don't tell me tulog pa siya since 12am na sya natulog kagabi? O sadyang nagpapa-miss lang talaga sya?

Since wala pa naman kaming lunch,pinabili ko si Kuya ng makakain namin.

"Oh? Bat ako pa? Kaya nga may maid tayo diba?" Pag-iinarte nya.

"Edi wag." Then I approached our maid. "Ate,pede magluto kayo para samin?"

"Sige sige." She said then I headed to my bedroom again.

At dahil wala pa ngang lunch,naisipin kong mag-effort para kay Carl. Para sa 1st namin. So I took some of my art materials and stationary papers. Di ko pa alam gagawin ko but I know this will be perfect.

Should I simply write a letter or make an 'Open when...' letter? I like the 2nd option.

So I took out many colored paper because bond paper is too mainstream. I made an envelope and started writing "Open when... You're happy".

I put a stationary paper inside. Starting a letter is never hard for me when I know it comes from my heart.

"Masaya ka ngayon. So smile more lalo pa't gwapo ka pa naman. Wag na wag kang sisimangot ha? Papanget ka. Kung ano man ang kadahilanan ng pagiging masaya mo,sana ako ang dahilan nyan. Pero joke lang. So ayun nga,kahit ano pa yan,good thing masaya ka ngayon. If you're happy,make others too. Always be happy."

Bat ganun? Parang ang weird. First time ko kasi gumawa nito eh. So I don't know it's supposed to be done. But I did it my way.

I made 12 'Open when...' letters.

"Open when you're happy."
"Open when you're sad."
"Open when you're mad."
"Open when i'm mad."
"Open when you want to be loved."
"Open when you can't feel my love."
"Open when I don't talk to you."
"Open when there's something wrong."
"Open when you're bored."
"Open when your grades are bad."
"Open when you want to know how much I love you."
"Open when you just feel like reading it."

Effort to ah! I-appreciate nya naman sana. Mahirap din kaya yung nage-effort ka tapos wala namang pake yung tao.

Isang oras na ang nakalipas since nailuto yung pagkain namin kaya naman bumaba na ako para kumain. Nauna na si Kuya,alam nya kasing may ginagawa pa ko.

I hid those letters inside my closet. It's either i'll come over to his house or he'll go here later. Like duh,it's our 1st and we should be together in this day.

I checked my phone again. No text,no chat message. Di naman pedeng tulog ka pa kasi 1pm na. Since then,never ko talaga syang chinat. Yung ako mauuna? No. Babae eh.

I waited for hours,but still,there's no sign of him. Hayy. Ganto ba ang 1st monthsary namin? Yung wala syang oras para sakin? Yung may iba syang ginagawa kaysa kausapin ako or sabihan man lang ako kung ano na ginagawa nya? Buwiset. Yan yung ayaw ko sa lahat. Yung hindi man lang nagpaparamdam.

Wala akong maisip na dahilan nya nang hindi pagtawag,pagtext o pag-chat sakin kaya kung anu-ano na pumapasok sa isip ko. Nambababae kaya to? Naglalaro ng LoL? Kasama nya barkada nya? O sadyang di nya lang ako priority?

Ano ba naman yan Carl. Di mo ba kinaya ang isang buwan na ako kasama mo?

May tumawag na lang sakin bigla in the midst of my paranoid thinking. I hope this is Carl but it's not. Instead,an unknown number came up.

"Zia! Nasa ospital si Carl ngayon!" sabi ng lalaking nasa kabilang linya. Nagpa-panic na ko nang marinig ko ang mga salitang yun. Kaibigan nya siguro to. Di ko nga lang makilala ang boses this time.

"Ha? Saang ospital yan? Bakit? Anong nangyari?"
"Ite-text ko na lang sayo kung saan! Ang layo kasi eh."
"Sige sige."
"Basta pumunta ka na. Yung way papunta sa bahay nila! On the way naman,nai-text ko na yung address."
"Ge thank you. Pakisigurado na lang na okay lang sya ah."
"Sige Zia."

I went downstairs to go to Carl.

"Kuya! Pupuntahan ko lang si Carl sa ospital ah."
"Ha? Anong nangyari sakanya?"
"Di ko rin alam. Pede ipag-drive mo ako?"
"Oo naman."

Sana naman okay lang si Carl kung ano man ang nangyari sakanya.