finding you

one

"Come on, Theo. Let's go downstairs. Let's fight."

His voice comes from behind and my whole stomach lurches forward, filling with the dread and grossness I have now become familiar with. I turn my body around to face him. He's already making his way towards me. He looks harmless... playful even. How can one be so... not what they seem?

I don't want to fight. Why does he need to do this?

"And put on those pants I like. They... feel good."

My stomach turns. I feel like I'm going to be sick. I need to get this vile feeling out of me.

Get away from me.

Please get away from me.

I shouldn't have come home this early. I knew there was a chance he would be here. This is all my fault. This is what I get.

Mom isn't home. Where is she? She should be here...

Please just leave me alone.

I don't want to fight.

"Miss."

What?

"Miss..."

...

"Miss!"

My body jolts awake. My eyes fly open to a lady's face just inches from mine. Her red lipstick is exceptionally bright. It's one of the first things I notice about her. That and the fact she looks rather annoyed.

Annoyed at who? Me?

I suddenly realize that her one hand is on my shoulder. I assume she was the one shaking me awake just now. My wide-eyed expression changes to a low-key glare. Girl, did you really have to touch me?

"Miss, we are landing. Please put your laptop away as the captain has stated over the intercom many times now."

Miss, I was sleeping. I apologize my brain channels couldn't pick up the captain's intercoms. It's really my bad.

I give her my best pinched smile before grabbing my laptop and stuffing it in my bag. She continues her strut down the cabin isle like she's some self-appointed queen of the aircraft. I wait until she's a few seats down before rolling my eyes.

Taking in a giant breath, I look out the window. It's just a bright blank view but I find it to be one of my favorites. I feel nervous. That's the fourth time I've had that dream now—or should I say nightmare. I pat my face noticing the beads of sweat sticking to my skin.

I am still looking outside when I hear a muffled voice come through the intercom, announcing our descend into Seattle. The anxiety immediately creeps its way further inside me as I not-so-subtly hold onto my stomach. For once it's not because of my fear of flying. It's 100% about being so close to Growers—my hometown. After two years of running away, two years of trying to be anyone but myself, I somehow find myself back again. My mind is increasing its speed with all the thoughts of things that can go wrong here... that have gone wrong here. I need to breathe.

Breathe, Theo.

"Ladies and gents! It is 2:13 pm and a whopping 33 degrees here in lovely Seattle. Beautiful weather as it is clear blue skies today! I am as shocked as you are...Thank you again for flying with us."

My stomach feels the descend as the plane makes its way to the ground. I try swallowing the lump in my throat, but it just won't go down. I think I might actually choke. The panic in my head is increasing with every slow second. All I hear are the loud mechanical noises from the jets beside me, preparing for the ground's impact. Though somehow, it's soothing to my ears.