finding you

thirty seven

"I don't want to talk about me, Theo. I want us to talk about what happened last night."

We're still laying in his bed. His arms are wrapped around me, holding me close. The blanket is at our feet, however. I guess we would sacrifice the comfort of a blanket over letting each other go, no matter how hot we get.

I breathe out a heavy sigh. I feel him squeeze me gently before rubbing his hand up and down my thigh in an act of comfort. "Rhys, I don't know. I just don't know what to say about it all. I don't know what to believe."

"I don't want to hurt you. And I somehow managed to do just that. It made me sick to see you like that."

"You didn't... technically do anything. I mean, if you did talk to Brooke about me... I guess I just want to know why. But if you didn't, then you have nothing to take responsibility for. Regardless of what actually is true or not... I forgive you."

Rhys's eyes slightly narrow at me. I casually look away, wanting to avoid being under his studying gaze. He's trying to read me and I can't let him do that.

"You forgive me? You would honestly do that if I talked about you that way behind your back?"

"I mean, yes. I wouldn't hold onto it. That would just hurt me further... but that doesn't mean I would want to continue... seeing you... or whatever this is." I gesture between us.

What are we? Absolutely nothing. We've hung out a few times and kissed. I would be pegged as a crazy girl if I thought we honestly had something special. I want to stay away from that kind of spotlight in any way I can.

"What?" 

My eyes dart to his. I can't really read his face and I feel his arms loosen their hold on me.

He's not happy.

"Are you saying you might not want to see me again?"

"Rhys, I don't know." I breathe, turning away from him. "I just know that I want to avoid situations that are toxic to me. People that are toxic to me. I'm not saying you are... It's just that I need to take care of myself. And last night wasn't good for me. I don't... do well here."

A silence looms between us before he says, "Please look at me."

I shake my head. I can feel a burning sensation at the back of my throat. I'm trying not to cry. I don't know what this is between us but I don't want to never see him again. I don't want this to end.

So why am I trying to? 

"Please."

I shake my head again and turn my head away further. Don't look at him or you'll cry, Theo.

His arms continue to hold me, his fingers gently grazing my bare stomach. "Theo...  I don't want to push you into anything you're uncomfortable with but... I don't want to lose this right now. I don't want to be just someone to you. I want to be something more... I just... fuck, Theo. I can't explain this to you."

Slowly, I turn my head to face him. One or two tears managed to trickle their way down my face and Rhys's thumbs immediately wipe them away as soon as he sees them.

Out of all the things I could be thinking right now, my only thought is: Rhyson freaking Collins just told me wants something more with me. That means he likes me right?

"Does that mean you like me?" I say it without running it through my filter. It just comes out and I don't realize how stupid it sounds until its too late. 

Rhys's face breaks into a sort of confused look but a smirk still manages to land on his face. He opens his mouth for a moment before speaking. "Are you being serious, Leigh?"