finding you

thirty nine

I run downstairs to see him. He's in his room probably playing the bass guitar. He's been practising a lot for the worship band at our church. I need to tell him what happened today. He's the only one who will understand me. Mom and dad just don't. I also don't want them to see me as a loser who gets picked on by bullies at school. They will think the best way to deal with it is to call the principle and have them do something. They won't understand that that will make things 100 times worse. 

I burst into his room without knocking. He's laying on his bed with his laptop when his dark eyes meet mine. His guitar sits in the corner beside him untouched. I walk in hesitantly, waiting for him to say something first. I want him to ask me what's wrong like a big brother is supposed to do. 

After a few moments, he smiles and pats the space next to him. "What's wrong?"

I smile and eagerly jump on the bed beside him. "Veronica spread a rumour about me and now everyone in my class knows. She's denying it and everyone believes her!"

"What did she say?"

"I don't want to talk about it. It was mean and I hate her for it. I don't know what to do. I can't go back to school! Everyone thinks I'm a loser! I just don't get why... she's such a... a..."

"Bitch? You can say the word."

My eyes slightly widen at his bluntness. If my parents heard him swear like that in front of me he'd get in trouble. But I kind of like this. I can't talk this way to mom and dad. It feels sneaky and rebellious!

"Okay... she's a bitch. A very big bitch. She's supposed to be my best friend!"

"If this was a guy you know I'd beat him up, right?"

"Yes."

"As for Veronica... try and ignore her for a few days. Works with the girls in high school."

"But I can't! She's there every day just laughing at me! She's awful!" I can feel tears begin to form in my eyes. I can't go back there. I can't go back there.

"Don't cry." Is all he says. "Tell you what? I'll come get you from school tomorrow and I'll ask her if we can all talk."

Slowly, I start to nod. But not before a tear slips out.

"My shoulders are killing me." He whines, suddenly changing the subject.

"Why?"

He just shrugs and then looks at me. "Can you do me a favour? Can you rub them?" 

I nod and watch him as he rolls onto his stomach.  

If only people knew how much he really is like a brother to me. Maybe tomorrow everyone will see him stand up for me. I'll be the girl with the popular big brother that's a senior in high school! He will protect me as a big brother should and people will stop messing with me!

"Sit on me like this and massage me. Then I'll return the favour."

Then I'll return the favour...

*

I look up at Rhys in the eyes. His eyes aren't the same as his. But he has me underneath him and he's sitting on me. He's feeling a lot heavier than he was a moment ago. 

"Let me make you feel good." He says, kissing the side of my neck. 

His voice suddenly doesn't sound as nice as it did before. And his lips feel a bit colder.