finding you

forty one

We get finally get to my house. I look over at Rhys as we pull into my driveway.

Time to say goodbye. What if this is it? What if he just stops talking to me again? He is Rhys Collins after all. Maybe it was too good to be true.

I mean last night proved that, didn't it?

"Thanks," I mutter after a moment of just sitting in silence.

"You're welcome, Theodora."

I cringe at that. I narrow my eyes at him and he gives me a smirk. I slowly bring myself to give him a small smile back, but I know how fake it looks. I'm about to step out of the truck before I feel his hand touch my arm.

"Wait. You forgetting something?"

"Uh... no, I don't think so. I didn't bring anything with me when I went--" I don't even finish my sentence because soon his hand is around the back of my neck pulling me to him. I almost protest because I don't know what he's doing but I can't because his lips are suddenly on mine silencing me completely.

We spent the whole drive basically in silence. I honestly thought we were ending this thing we have. I actually thought he didn't like me. Now his hot lips are on mine and I can't seem to find the strength to pull away and ask him about it.

We kiss for a few seconds before we slowly pull away. His eyes are burning into mine from only a couple inches away. "You... you kissed me." 

He gives me a low chuckle and brings his hand up to the side of my face, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Yeah... I kind of like doing that."

"Yeah, but..." I have no idea what to actually say. I thought you didn't like me anymore? Even though we were all over each other this morning? My head just goes one way before it gets to the other?

I hear him sigh and I meet his eyes after staring off behind him. He holds a warm smile and pats beside him. "Come here, Theo."

I look at him for a moment. Why do I feel like he's giving me whiplash? Slowly I make my way back into his truck and he gently places his hand so it's resting on my thigh. It's a small gesture but his touch is burning holes through my clothes. 

I'm waiting for him to say something but he doesn't. He just looks at me with some look that heats my whole body. 

"What?" I question him, tilting my head innocently. 

He chuckles lowly and just shakes his head. "Nothing, just... you're cute."

I scrunch my nose. "How am I being cute? By being confused?"

"Hey." He runs his hand farther up my thigh and squeezes it slightly. It sends shivers up my body. "That's not what I meant. I just mean I like looking at you." He laughs a little at his own words but I fail to see the humor. 

There's a silence that falls between us and I immediately want to fill it. It's not comforting. 

"Let's see how things go, yeah?" He suddenly says. I look up at him. The sun is hitting his eyes just slightly, making them sparkle. My heart swells just at the sight of him. He's not smiling. He's not frowning. He just looks calm. 

"Yeah." I breathe out, finally. 

He smiles at that, lightly tapping my leg with his hand. "Good."

I give him a small smile back. "Good."

*

"What do you mean you're giving him another chance?" Ronnie spits through the phone. 

I'm laying on my bed in the basement. The sun is shining through and I'm feeling pretty relaxed aside from all that went down yesterday. Rhys dropped me off a couple hours ago and I immediately took a bath and made some tea. That alone made me feel loads better.

"I didn't say anything about chances. It's not like we were dating before. He technically didn't do anything, Ron."

"T. But he did. He literally told you he wasn't hanging out with Brooke when he was. And we all know he's the one who told her about you having your first kiss and whatnot."

I have to pull the phone away from my hear and click down the volume. Her voice is getting loud. "Ronnie. We don't know he was the one. Rhys said she could have just made that up to get to me."

I hear a loud cackle on the other end, not sounding at all like a normal human sound. "That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard."

I sigh, tossing the phone beside me after switching it to speaker. I don't say anything.

"Look, Theo. I'm sorry... I just feel protective. Rhys is a good friend... but he isn't a good boyfriend, I can promise you that."

"Well good thing he's not my boyfriend then."

"But you like him!"

I audibly sigh before responding. "Ron... just let me figure this out, okay? I won't dive into anything, I promise."

There's silence on the other end, indicating to me that she's dropping it.

"Ron?"

"Hm."

"He told me he likes me. He told me he wanted to see where this thing goes." 

Now I hear a sigh on the other end. 

"Yeah... of course he'll say that. Only till he..." Her words fade out and I immediately feel defensive. 

"Till he what?"

"Theo, I've seen Rhys for the two years you were gone. I know what he's like. I've watched him screw over so many girls."

"He told me... about the girls. Well, I mean he owned up to being a shitty guy. But isn't that, like, a good thing?"

"What exactly did he tell you? This is what I mean, Theo! He could literally say anything and you'll..."

"And what? Believe him?"

She sighs again but this time she doesn't speak after. I let a minute of silence go by before I say something.

"I'll be careful," I say almost too quietly but I know she hears me.

"I know... I just don't want to see you hurt again like last night."

"I know."

"Look, I got to go pick up a few things from my mom. Maybe we can hang out later?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll text you."

I hang up and throw my phone back down beside me. This is so frustrating. I don't feel like I've received any clarity about this. I don't know what to do about Rhys. I don't even know how serious he is. What if he just wants something super casual with me? 

Well, I mean, he must know I wouldn't be into that. Given that he knows I'm completely inexperienced on all levels...

But what if he doesn't care about that? What if he just wants something to spend his time on?

I aggressively sigh at myself. Ron is getting into my head...

But what if she has a point? She knows him better than me... she's watched him do these bad things over and over throughout the years.

What if she's completely right about him?