finding you

eight

"Hey, can me and Rhys share this booth with you?"

The question comes out of the blue and I have to keep my jaw from hitting the floor. Did he just say Rhys...? Oh my God. Oh my God. Breathe, Theo. You should know that wherever there is Nial, there is usually Rhys. What's the big deal here?

"Theo?" Ashton brings my attention to him.

"Hm?"

"That cool?"

I can tell by the look he is giving me that he's silently asking me if I am okay with sitting with these people. He knows me well enough to know how I felt about them in high school and how uncomfortable they made me. They weren't nice people. Nial? Maybe he was nicer. But his group? No way. But I also don't want to be the lame one to make a deal out of nothing.

It shouldn't seem like a big deal but how come I can feel the back of my palms and neck starting to sweat? I know I know wouldn't have to say much for Ashton save me from this situation. He would have no problem coming up with some excuse to have us leave. But I don't want to do that. I'm not like this anymore. I have to push myself into these situations if I want to grow in any sort of way.

I look at Ashton and give him a small shrug, acting as if I could care less in the world. But in reality (which I am positive he knows), I am freaking the hell out. "Yeah, of course."

Ashton gives me a quick look of surprise. It was brief but enough for me to notice that he was indeed astonished by my nonchalant act.

"Awesome. I'm just going to grab a couple menus."

And then he's gone. Silence flows in but only for a moment.

"You okay?" Ashton asks. Concern is clear in his voice. I wish he wasn't this worried about me. Why should it be so surprising that suddenly I want to be more social? It makes me feel worse...

"Yes," I groan, with a slight touch of annoyance. He opens his mouth to say something when Nial comes back and jumps into the seat next to me. ME.

I stiffen--more so. I can feel my breathing pick up and I mentally curse myself for being such a freak around guys. Where is Rhys? Isn't he coming? Maybe last minute he decided not to. I pray for the latter to come true.

"Hey." The coldness and roughness of his voice brings me completely out of my head and I instantly look up at him. I am pretty sure my mouth is hanging a bit open. I am frozen. I can't move. I can feel my heart beat in my throat.

"What's going on..." His eyes find mine and stop. Oh no. What is he thinking? Is he mad to see me? Is he annoyed? Oh no...

I try my damn hardest to suppress my anxiety, but I don't think I'm doing a good job at it. I give a small smile, but it was so forced I think it just made him more uncomfortable. He stares at me for a moment longer with no expression whatsoever before taking his seat beside Ashton. He blinks away from me abruptly and nods his head at Nial.

"We can't be long," is all he says. Oh.

"Yes, I know. I'm starving. What did you guys get?" Nial turns to me and Ashton.

I am still in slight paralysis, so I thank Ashton silently for answering for the both of us. The waitress notices our two new guests and quickly returns to take both of their orders. I take their momentary distraction to try and psych myself up enough to be able to get enough words out to hold a normal conversation without sounding like a complete dumbass. Why is it so hard now? It's so much easier with Ashton. Now all I feel is nerves and fear. UGH. I can't even come up with a single word to say. Social anxiety is a serious bitch.