finding you

seventy five

Rhys is holding me, waiting for me to calm down. I've stopped crying and  I'm just starting to get a regular breathing rhythm again. As soon as I feel strong enough, I lift myself off of Rhys so I'm sitting across from him, not beside him. He gives me a small look but recovers quick.

"Are you okay?" he asks. He seems very wary of me, like I just might break again soon. I just might.

"Rhys..." I begin. I'm not looking at him, but I know I have to be seeing his face when I ask this. "I need to ask you something, and I need you to promise that you'll tell me the truth."

He just stares at me for a moment. The wind picks up and all I can hear for a moment is the rustle of the bushes. Rhys's hair dances in the breeze. "What do you mean..." he hesitates, his eyes holding my gaze. 

"Just listen to me for a sec. I'm fine," I assure him. 

"Theo."

"Please!" My voice cracks and I know I won't be able to remain calm for much longer.

A few moments go by before Rhys gives me a nod.

I let a few beats of silence go by before speaking. I don't want to ask this. I don't think I want to know the answer to this. "Did you know who I was in High School?"

"What?" Rhys blurts. He looks offended. Defensive, perhaps? Not a good sign.

"You told me that you didn't remember me in high school. I'm asking you if that's true."

The more I think about this, the more I feel sick- the more I doubt everything about this. Of course he knew me. We took the same classes. 

"I remember you," I say quietly. "I remember seeing you a lot. Your locker..." I pause, swallowing. "Your locker was only a few down from mine in grade eleven. You would have seen me." I say the last part more to myself. He would have seen me.

He just stares at me. The cold look he is giving me is worrying me. I almost don't feel safe with him right now. "... what the fuck did Brooke say to you?" he finally questions.

He's mad. He's mad and he's not telling me no. 

"That's not an answer."

Oh, he's mad.

Rhys shuts down. His face is unreadable and he's completely frozen. He doesn't say a word. I know him well enough to know this is when he's really mad. I silently pray he doesn't start getting mean. I don't want him to act like last time he was drunk and upset. It's not a good combo for him.

What do I do? Should I keep pressing him? Is he going to snap? I honestly don't know what to do right now. I just want to know the truth.

"I don't understand... if it's not true, just tell me and I'll believe you," I say quietly. But will I actually believe him?

He lifts his head and looks directly at me. His eyes are dark, unsettling. I don't like it. I'm worried with what he might say. I can feel myself start to panic. Stop Theo. You don't know anything yet. Even if he does remember you... does that really mean anything? He probably remembers some weirdo that resembles you...

Finally, he seems to breathe for what seems like the first time in minutes. He sighs. I notice his hands are slightly fidgeting with the sand beside him. He's nervous... or agitated. Both.

"Yes."

I just blink at him. He spoke. He did just speak right now. I don't think I was actually expecting him to speak. I certainly wasn't expecting him to say this. Just relax, Theo. That doesn't mean any of the other stuff Brooke said is true.