finding you

twenty seven

A few days have gone by since my day at Rhys's. We've texted each other but not as often as I thought we would be. Part of me wonders if he's letting me down slowly and gently. I feel obsessive over the idea and I really hate that. It just makes me feel psycho and weak. I can't help myself from going over every last moment with him: the things I said and how he reacted to them. Did I do something wrong? Could I have done anything to make things better? 

Maybe keep your panic attacks in check next time you're in his company?

I shudder at my thoughts and start to feel the slow sinking feeling in my stomach. I flop down on my bed and look up at the ceiling, grabbing one of my fluffy pillows and hugging it closely. "Why are you like this, Theo." I whisper it quietly to myself, feeling more sad than I did a few minutes ago. I'm starting to exhaust myself with my thoughts again and I slowly let myself drift away in a little nap. 

I wake up to a noise outside: a car pulling in. I grab my phone from beside me. It's 3:00 in the afternoon. I slept for over two hours. Great. Suddenly the doorbell's going off and I practically crawl under my bed. I'm such a wimp when I'm alone. Especially when I'm home alone. Since Dad is always at work that seems to be my case a lot of the time.

It's during the day, Theo. Get it together, Jesus. 

I take a couple breaths and drag myself upstairs. I awkwardly peep in the peephole and, to my surprise, see my two best friends. What the hell? I swing open the door.

"What are you guys doing here?"

Ashton and Ronnie are both standing there with wide and annoying grins before stepping past me into the house. 

"Seriously, what are you guys doing here?" I ask again, following them into the kitchen.

"Get dressed. We're going out." Ronnie shushes me with her hands to try and get me downstairs. I look down at my current attire and laugh. 

"Yeah... no. Where are you guys going?"

"To a soccer game." Ashton chimes in. "And ALL of us going. It starts at five but I wanna grab burgers and some coolers before."

"What soccer game?" Since when are soccer games something that these two go to?

Ashton mumbles something but he's neck deep in my fridge, rummaging for something who knows what. 

"Rhys's team is having an opener tonight and we're going to support him! Duh."

Something zaps through me and I have no idea if it was good or bad. Probably bad. "He plays soccer?" 

I mean, I know he played in high school. But outside of that? Growers doesn't have university so what team would he even play for?

Ashton walks around the island, carrying a bag chips in his mouth. He points to them and says, "Can we take these? We need snacks." Or at least that's what I think he says. His voice is extremely muffled.

"Yes, of course he does." Ron continues after giving Ashton a look. "He plays for Seattle. He played last year too, but since he's actually going to Seattle in the fall he actually gets pre-game time now." 

She smirks at me as if she can tell what I'm thinking. We talked a couple days ago about me and Rhys. I told her what happened when we went quadding and what happened after. She basically was squealing she was so excited. I told her we weren't anything but she clearly thinks otherwise. I'm too embarrassed to tell her we haven't talked much since that day. I'm enjoying her seeing this excited for me, even if it's over something that isn't really happening. Her excitement is really happening, and that's good enough for me.