finding you

thirteen

We've been driving for five minutes. It's silent in the car except for the radio. Ashton goes to turn it up a little bit and I give him a look. Well, more like a glare.

"What?"

Is he serious right now?

"You didn't even ask me." I don't even try to be polite this time.

"Ask what?"

"If I wanted to go to the cabin or not. You basically just decided for me." I pout like a child and pull my legs up onto the seat. I look out the window and watch the trees pass by. I'm trying to calm myself down in any way possible right now.

"Didn't I ask you like just ten minutes ago? And I thought we had decided yesterday that we were staying at his cabin."

I roll my eyes even though he can't see me.

"Yeah, you asked me in front of everyone - giving me no choice but to say yes. I know we planned to stay there an everything... I'm just freaking out a bit." I admit.

"Freaking out about what? Your head? Is it hurting? I thought we could just clean it up there."

"No, not my head." I look at him blankly. "I'm just... I don't know." I don't know what I'm trying to say at all.

He looks at me for a moment with concern clear on his face. It humbles me that he worries about me, it really does. I just wish it didn't give me more anxiety than I already have.

He runs his hand through his messy head of hair before speaking.

"Are you still nervous about hanging out with them? I actually thought you were having a lot of fun today." He explains, genuinely sounding honest, and frankly, a little surprised.

"No, Ashton, I was having fun today. I did have fun. Honest. That's just it. I..."

...I'm scared that it was too good to be true and if I go spend anymore time with them, they will not like me anymore. I have to stop this while it's good!

I know how silly I sound. It's so dumb. But these feelings are too real.

"Theo." He pulls me away from my thoughts. "I honestly pray that one day you will see how amazing you are by just being you. You really are. I hate that you sabotage yourself like this."

His words don't touch me as much as they should. I don't believe them, that's why. I should feel better, but I am too much stuck in my own head at this point.

"I know, Ashton. I'll be okay. I promise." I reassure him and squeeze his shoulder. He gives me a small smile and I know he doesn't believe me for a second.

*

We pull up to Rhys's cabin not 5 minutes later. Rhys's truck is already parked in the driveway, which doesn't make any sense because we left before them.

A slow shiver rides up my spine before hopping out of the truck. I take a deep breath and make my way beside Ashton before heading towards the cabin. Well... I shouldn't say cabin. More like a beautiful getaway country palace. This place is huge. Two, maybe even three stories. Floor to ceiling windows on all floors and I think it has a walk out basement because I know there's a slope on the terrain it's built on. The siding looks like wood but with a very light brown colour. It goes amazing with the white door and window frames. I allow myself to be in awe for a moment as I appreciate the beautiful architecture in front of me.

"Wow." I finally say.

"Yeah, pretty cool." Ashton says, smiling down at me. He's probably laughing because I'm the only person he knows who hasn't been here before. I roll my eyes.