Chained By The Gang

chapter 48: L.J's decision

(1 month later)

A month goes by since I killed off the whole Kings Boyz clique, but I still haven't gotten over what they did to my family. As I am lying in my bed I wake up around eight o'clock in the morning all because of this terrible nightmare I constantly keep having every night. As I am getting out of bed I walk toward the restroom. When I get in there I look at myself in the mirror and say "L.J you are not the same man you once were. So now what do you do?" But as always when I ask myself that question I couldn't come up with anything.

As I am walking out the restroom my phone rings, so I go to the kitchen to answer it and fix me a bowl of cereal. When I pick up the phone it's L.T telling me I need to get it together and keep my head up. Then he tells me that I should come over his house later to chill with the clique, but I tell him I'm too busy. Now of course he knows I'm lying my ass off because I haven't been out the house since last month unless I was going to the bar. So he decides to just let it go and tells me that him and DeRay will get at me later on today.

Once we get off the phone I go ahead and eat my cereal and go watch some television on the couch. As I am watching television I tend to doze off, but I awaken by a knock at the door. When I answer it DeRay and L.T walk in. "Hey L.J what's good? I can tell you not doing so well by yo clothes and yo hair. So how about you get dressed put a little activator in that hair and roll with us to the club?" DeRay says. I think about it for a minute, but I go ahead and say ok because they are my homies and they aren't going to let me say no. once I go get dressed and cleaned up we head downstairs to the car. When we get in the car L.T turns up the music and says "you are hanging with us tonight my nigga!"

When we arrive at this club called La Max we get out the car and head inside because since we are the Black Diamonds we have connections and get in for free. As we are walking around I go sit at the bar while they go do their thing. While I am just sitting there getting wasted this girl comes and sits next to me. When I look at her she looks at me and asks me my name and these other usual hook up questions. Since I already know what she wants I tell her to hand me the keys to her car and we will go to my place. Before I leave I let my boys know I'm about to go. As I am walking out of the club she goes and gets her car and pulls it in front of the club and I tell her where I live as I am getting in.

Once we arrive at my apartment about twenty minutes later I take her by the hand and bring her on up. As I am opening the door we walk straight to the bedroom with no time wasted. When we get in there I let the alcohol and stress get the best of me because I basically rip her clothes and my clothes off with no hesitation. Once I get strapped from then on I just start to beat her from the frame because it sure wasn't love making.

The entire time while we are doing this I begin to think while she is on top riding me and in my head I am constantly saying that this is not right, so I push her off of me. While she is constantly asking me what am I doing and why did I stop I decide not to answer her and just put my boxers back on get in the bed and go to sleep. That's when she gets really mad and storms out of my house slamming the door behind her.

The next morning I wake up around 10:30 and walk to the restroom to clean myself up. After I do that I walk in the din and see a broken picture frame of my family on the floor, so I pick it up and as I am looking at it I just begin to regret everything I did last night. That's when I say to myself that there is nothing more to live for, so I call B.D and tell him I need to see him later on today. That's when he tells me to meet him at twelve o'clock at IHop.

Since I had about an hour until then I go ahead and hop in the shower and get dressed. After I am through doing all of that I start to walk down the street to IHop. Once I get there B.D is already seated, so I just go join him. When I approach his table he stands up and gives me a hug and asks me how am I doing. When he asked me that I get quiet for a second until I sit down and then I look him in the eyes and say "not to good", so he asks me what's wrong. That's when I take a deep breath and say "B.D I love you to death... you have been there for me pretty much all my life. You took the place of my father and took me into your home. But ever since my family was killed I haven't been the same. So basically what I am trying to say is I want out... I just want to thank you for being there for me when no one else was."

Once I said that there was a slight silence for a good three minutes, but then B.D looks at me and says "look son I understand where you are coming from completely and I love you to like a son. But just because you want to hang up your rag doesn't mean you are not family. You will always be a Black Diamond and whenever you need us we will be right there no matter what!" After he says that I give him a hug and walk out a happier man because I know what I got to do.

Once I arrive back home I grab a pen and paper. Then I sit down to write a letter to the Black Diamonds. "Dear family, I'm pretty sure by this point you already know what has occurred. I just want to let yall know I love all of yall! As for my two aces LaTae and DeRay you know how I feel about yall... yall are my brothers and I thank yall for being there for me. Don't forget about ya boy and always remember my legacy. I was a down ass nigga ready to die for my boys. So don't take this as a sad moment just know that I am going to a better place to reunite with my nigga J-Rock, my baby LaNisha, my beautiful boys, my moms, and my pops! ~1~ love yo main man LoJarvis Tae'Sean Wilson a.k.a L.J P.S I will tell them yall said hi!" Once I get finished writing that letter I grab my gun and get on my knees to ask God for forgiveness of everything that I have done in the past and for what I am about to do. After I pray I look at the clock take a deep breath and once that clock struck one o'clock I close my eyes and put it to my head. I stall for a few seconds look to the lord say "God please forgive me!" right before pulling the trigger and falling to my death!