thoughts on clouds

Not Good Enough

it's a weight. a massive fucking weight on your shoulders. and it's constant, always weighing you down making everything you do harder, heavier. after a while you get used to it and sure you learn to live with it, bear with it. but it's still there. a massive fucking weight on your shoulders. it stops you from going out, it makes you doubt yourself. i stops you from living because all you can do is second guess every decision you've ever made and find every flaw in everything you do. 

and after a while you ask yourself why you feel this way and why the world is weighing you down and how it's possible to always feel tired even after 12 hours of sleep because you've forgotten the weight put there in the first place. and it's only once it's gone you realise it was there the whole time and you feel so fucking free because for once since the first time your father told you 'you weren't good enough' when you were only 6 years old. for the first time after all these years you leave your house and you see the sun. only this time you really see it. 

and you see the world around you and the opportunity and for the first time in what seems like forever you smile. because your weight has been lifted and you feel like you're flying, floating. and sure there are still bad days and the world is an ugly place and there are moments where you wanna just roll up and cry but you fly through them headfirst because this weight is gone and you are free.

some people don't get this. some people live their whole lives in a dark bubble, the weight becoming apart of them till death do them part. some people don't live. some people can't take the weight and are crushed to the ground. good people. bad people. most people. but sometimes, just sometimes the most fragile people manage to be strong and lift their weights. and they live a life of freedom.