thoughts on clouds

scaredy cat

It was always the little things that scared me.
When everyone was screaming at the sight of a bear all I could think of was how beautiful it was.
Bombs and knifes and guns never really made me flinch
Instead it was the thought of raising my voice in front of a class
My biggest fears were never death , or pain
It was ridicule , embarrassment , not being good enough
When he grabbed me by the throat and squeezed till I couldn't breathe not even a tear drop let my eye
But the second his brown eyes left mine and threatened to leave
Then came the water works
Them came the pounding of my heart faster than ever
Then came the fear and the shock that this might be the end
When I was 5
I sat on the edge of a bridge looking down at the Motorway below
Thinking about how I could drop any minute and it wouldn't matter
Somebody could sneak up behind me and that'd be the end
But that didn't scare me
What scared me was the pattern of my blood may not be pretty enough
I was scared of failure
I was scared even after I fell, 10 feet of the ground I wouldn't do it right
Even in death I'd let people down
And that's how it was
The irrational fear like clowns , monsters, ghosts never frightened me
It was the failure
It was the fool
The laughter that came whenever I. Fucked up
Nothing scared me more than that