thoughts on clouds

Back into darkness

We were both at the bottom of this pit.
This pitch black abyss with just to two of us and our demons.
They came swarming at us and together we could just about hold them off .
We fought these demons together as they came at us in hundreds.
Days, months, years we held them off.
And all that time we bathed in each others tears, we bled each other's blood we felt each other's pain .
So why is it that I'm still bleeding for both of us and you're wound free.
One day you saw a light , you grabbed for it the first chance you saw , I was a ladder , an aid , a pathway out.
Up.
And as you stood on my shoulders I took all your weight and crumbled.
I took the weight of both of our damage on my two shoulders and every single bone in my body shattered .
Yet I continued to lift you up.
And as he reached for your hand you grabbed his and he pulled you out as I sunk to the floor broken and defeated.
I kept my silence as the demons , the flies, the pheasants crusaded towards my broken body,
They teared at my skin, mocking me taunting me laughing at my weakness
Because I was weak without you
The two of us could just about hold the off but alone I was nothing.
So I waited
I waited for you to come back for me as I tended to my wounds and mended my bones.
I waited .
I told myself you'd come back
I told myself you cared
But all I got was whispers from the upstairs world about the sun and the ocean and the beauty that lay above .
All I got was glimpses from a world I thought to be out of my grasp .
I waited and waited and waited and you never came.
And I bled rivers of sorrow , oceans of loathing , fountains of regret
Until I eventually I realised you were not coming
So I broke my own bones and I built stairs
I built stairs to lead me to the light
I walked on the bones of my past to get to my future
And each step forward was a weight off of my shoulder.
And when I finally made it out of that god forsaken hole .
That ready made grave that kept me alive and dead at the same time
That hell on earth
You met me with a smile as if looking back and reminiscing the good times I never had
And you told me to take your hand as if you'd lead me to my freedom
And you took me to the edge to look back at all the horrors of our past that would haunt us forever
And you looked at me like you did all those years ago
Like the two of us could do anything
And I had hope
That maybe this new life was real
Maybe things did get better
And you pushed me
You pushed me right back where we started
Back into the abyss
Back into darkness .