thoughts on clouds

toxic love

every kiss was laced with poison.
every chance of affection seemed to come with a price to pay.
And maybe then I should've got the sign to run away .
Maybe the first time you whispered I love you, with your hand gripping my wrist just a little too hard and your sarcastic smile just a little too sinister , maybe then I should've walked away.
But with the clouds and stormy weather came lightning . Lightning that struck straight into my heart and set me on fire . Because that's what it was wasn't it. I was the match and you were the flame that set me alight like no one else could. If I was the sea you were the ocean, beautiful from afar but daunting when approached. But approach you I did and what an ocean you were. Your waves crashed against me,pushing and screaming. But it was almost like I was meant to be pushed . It was almost as if you were the only thing keeping me moving foward and not back. I should've known better . I saw the ice in your eyes , colder than any winter I'd ever faced, cold and punishing it seemed . But behind the frozen river surface I saw a light . I saw love. I saw you loving me with a burning desire so strong and intense that it shook my very existence . My very being was recreated and my soul consumed.
And sometimes I would cry. Because I thought I would loose you . And sometimes I would feel like screaming take all I am, tear my skin,deconstruct my bones and tell me you still don't know who I am. And in those moments you'd grip my wrist just as you are now and whisper in the same cold, heartless voice "I love you" . And I'd know you meant it. Everytime again and again. In this life and the next . Because if you were a drug I'd be overdosed by ignorant measures . And if you were the sun. I'd be burnt to a cinder needing nothing more than everything you are and all your dreams and aspirations. And sometimes they tell me I need to get out .but let's be honest you could slit my throat and with my last dying breath I'd probably apologies for bleeding on your shirt. And maybe I need to go to the other side of the earth to finally be free of the mind forged manacles you seem to have out in place but I know I'll only ever be right by your side.

And if we're being honest here I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck.