Homecoming Pt. 1

Khalil 72

We got in the car and I was nervous..... I hated this man with everything I was, I felt like he left me just when I needed him the most. Back when I was younger I thought he left because of something I had done, so I worked hard on the football field and in the classroom hoping that I could make him proud enough to come back, but the older I got the more I started to resent him I convinced myself that he didn't love me or Devin and once Devin got taken away my hatred for him had grown. And as much as I hated him deep down inside I still wanted his acknowledgement and that pissed me off even more. I looked at my watch and waited for him to start talking, I knew I'd never be able to move forward until I got over this last hurtle.

"Khalil..... I wanted to come back for you and Devin but I......." Kadeem started to say but I cut him off.

"I'm a grown ass man, I can handle the truth you don't have to put on a fuckin show. You may be able to get Devin with all that 'I wanted to come back for ya'll' bullshyt but not me. So just be honest and tell me why didn't you come back for us or call and check on us?" I said pissed.

"You're right Khalil..... you want the truth then I'll give it to, I didn't come back for ya'll because I couldn't by the time I got my life together I had two other children and another one on the way. At that point in my life I couldn't afford to take care of five kids so I made a selfish decision not to come back for ya'll..... I know it's fucked up but it's the truth, I was going to wait until you graduated high school to come back for Devin but it was too late. But you need to realize that you couldn't possibly hate me more than I hate myself for leaving ya'll, everyday since the day I left I would start to call and check on ya'll but I felt like I didn't deserve to call myself your father. I know that's hard for you to hear but you wanted the truth I was there because I was selfish and weak. " Kadeem said looking into my eyes.

"All I ever wanted was a better life for my little brother....... and you're sitting there telling me that you couldn't come back for us because you 'couldn't afford too'? DO YOU FUCKIN REALIZE THE HELL WE WENT THROUGH? DO YOU KNOW THAT THERE WERE SOME DAYS THAT I HAD TO CARRY DEVIN IN THE FUCKIN SNOW TO ENZO'S HOUSE JUST TO MAKE SURE HE GOT A HOT BATH AND HAD CLEAN CLOTHES TO GO TO SCHOOL IN WHENEVER THE WATER WAS CUT OFF? DO YOU KNOW THAT THERE WERE DAYS I HAD TO GO STEAL CANDLES AND FLASHLIGHTS SO THAT DEVIN WOULD HAVE SOME LIGHT TO DO HIS HOMEWORK WHENEVER THE LIGHTS WERE OFF? DO YOU KNOW HOW I GOT SO SICK THAT I HAD TO GO TO THE FUCKIN HOSPITAL BECAUSE I'D SLEEP IN DAMN NEAR NOTHING TO MAKE SURE DEVIN DIDN'T FREEZE WHEN THE HEAT WAS OFF? NAH YOU DON'T BECAUSE YOU WERE TO WORRIED ABOUT YOUR DAMN SELF AND THEN YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SAY YOU WERE SELFISH....... NIGGA YOU HAVE KIDS YOU DON'T GET TO BE SELFISH ANYMORE!" I yelled as tears streamed down my face, I was crying because I was sad, I was crying because I was pissed. "You could've come back for Devin..... he didn't deserve to go through that." I said.

"You're right Khalil I should've come back for both of ya'll but we can't go back, the only thing we can do is move forward. I want to start by fixing our family and that starts with forgiveness. Khalil I'm sorry." Kadeem said putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Don't fuckin touch me." I said brushing his hand off my shoulder. "Look I'm only this for my own sake, I forgive you...... I don't know if I ever want to see you again but I need to let go of the anger I feel towards you and Delilah." I said wiping my face.

"That's all I can ask for...... but there is one more thing I need to talk to you about, your mother told me about her condition and I don't agree with her wanting one of ya'll to help with the transplant. But on the other hand she's your mother Khalil you can't just let her die...... you only get one." Kadeem said.

"THEN GIVE HER YOUR KIDNEY! I lost my mother the day she let Devin get taken away. I tried to forgive her but she hasn't changed at all she has always looked out for herself. I said.