BACK TO THE HELL HOLE (book.2)

Future?

Idk. I was thinking about my future, and I want to be an author or a cook. But I can't decide! Realistically, becoming an author is pretty hard, considering your material has to be one of the best ones out there. Also you need to find a publisher who's actually willing to read through your manuscript that you have to send in. It's pretty hard to get scouted. One of the major things is, if people will actually like your book. After reading through a bunch of webpages, I kept thinking to myself,
I'm never going to be able to achieve this!
I'm beginning to lose hope on a writing career, I mean I definitely will not be able to get a publisher. I want to do something I want for once, but everything I want, just seems ridiculously impossible to achieve! Everything is fucking around with my brain, but I'm still in seventh grade, so why worry about the future? Well that's because my future is hopelessly impossible! Becoming a chef is also pretty hard, and you don't earn much money compared to other jobs. My parents told me to become a lawyer, or something that's government related because that's what pays the most. But the problem is, I'm not interested in any of those! I feel like I have no future. I get good grades and shit, but my career path is very much impossible. I think I should stop writing... I don't want to thou. I want to learn cooking. I want to still be in choir. I want to write. But I can't, because I'll most likely be unemployed. The quote "Reach for your dreams" doesn't make sense at all. My dreams are hopeless. A dead end. I should just give up on life. Well aside from that, I've also been stressing about the worst possible thing in the world! << over exaggeration.
I'm thinking about confessing. Yes. Confessing. Now if you know me, you will know that confessing is NEVER an option for me. If I confess on the last day of school, he'll have stress on his back for the whole summer. Truthfully, I don't really give a shit, personally I don't think he's suffered enough, but I wouldn't do that to him. If I confess before then, I will fuck shit up. There's no escaping it. I will fuck shit up. However, this whole crush thing is stressing me out. I don't want to break the friendship I already have with him, and end up in the same class as him in grade 8. If I do, EVERYTHING WILL BE FUCKED UP DRAMA SHIT! I DONT WANT FUCKED UP DRAMA SHIT!
Ok tbh, I'm exaggerating it a lot. But still! It's baaaaaaad. I can think of everything bad that will happen. Idk what to do anymore. Leave it? Or confess? Idk. IDFK. Is it bad that I'm stressing about this, most likely yes. Oh yea. If I confess, will I confess in person, or by text. I do not want to face him ever again if I confess. But with my luck, I will probably end up in the same class as him. I'm fucked. I fucking hate everything. FUCK THIS! Ughhhhhhhh why must life be so miserable. Fuck the fucking circuits, they should go die in a fucking pit of nothing. We had to do it in the RAIN! When the grass was slippery, and the bars were WET! UGH FUCKING TEACHERS! I would rather do a shit load of homework than this! Ughhhhh! Oh yea, when summer starts, should I make a new book? I mean, idk, I just think I'll be bored all summer lol. Well I guess I could start a new one, but the plot will most likely be shit. Lol. All my chapters are worked on from day to day, so I'm just going to talk as if when I'm typing this down, it happened today, when really it was either Friday, Wednesday, Thursday, it could be any day. Well let's just say something happened to me. I took a shower after it so...well I just felt uncomfortable. Also I might have to go to a guy's house to help him with French so that's great. Not. Also did I mention that I'm confused whether this guy actually meant the confession he made during spring break? Well I told you ppl about something bad happening in spring break but I don't think I specified about what it was. Well it was that confession thingy. It still bothers me to this day. Why so much stress. Like why. Just why. Well at least the dance today was fun. Moustache girl...someone grabbed her butt 😂😂😂😂😂 I'm not entirely sure about what I did at the dance... I didn't really dance... It was more like fooling-around-with-the-squad lollll. Well the make up I had one was pretty shitty, and I didn't even do it properly 😂. Whatever it's still middle school anyways. Cam literally flirts with everyone. Idk if it's on purpose or not, but I'm guessing not. Maybe I should ask him if he knows how to flirt 😂. Oh yea, a new ship has been born! Daphnia and Oliver! 😂😂😂😂😅 well he's gonna kill me. Anyways, that's pretty much it... I'm tired... I don't want to do my homework. I forgot my math test in my locker, but meh idc anymore. The procrastination is realllll!