BACK TO THE HELL HOLE (book.2)

Mental breakdown much?

Sigh it's been a stressing week, between all the incidents and homework then family drama too, it just feels like there is no end to anything. I honestly wish I could just restart my life even thou "everything happens for a reason" 😑. I see no reason as to why all this drama is happening to me. What I want to do is just binge watch the walking dead, and eat ice cream like those overly depressed people on the tv shows where they go through a 'massive' break up. Or maybe just go a breakdown and not have people judge me, which most likely will not happen! I wish I could take a day off of school. Well I also feel pretty shitty because I'm sick and stuff, but the drama is just too much. I honestly have no idea what the fuck is happening between my relationships with everyone. It's changing a lot. It might just be me being delusional or it might be because people around me are changing. Or maybe it's cause I'm changing. IDK. Acting like you're happy in school is stressful. It's hard to keep up an act and I'm pretty sure people who are reading this right now can agree with me. There's always lots of thoughts going through your head, am I right? If not then meh Idc. I'm also pretty sure that people who are reading this right now have been hurt by other people in some point of your life. If you haven't, then consider yourself lucky. Scars never heal, and they're always there nagging at you. Or that's just me. I remember about most of the shit that happens in my life. Excluding when I was fairly young. It just sucks like hell when you know you've fucked up on something and wish you could've done something about it. I still feel really guilty for all the trouble I've caused to other people... And I hate hurting others people's feelings which I think might've occurred a few times this past week or so. Well it really couldn't be prevented or else I would be stuck in deep shit, but I was being honest. Damn the truth really does hurt people. Probably one of the first experience in my life where the truth actually hurt me. Well most people who know me probably think, " oh this won't hurt her, she can handle it. " though you may want to rethink that. I wish I could turn back time and fix all the mistakes I've made in my life. Sigh this time not even music helps. I'm sick and I had to go home on the first day. Wow what a great start to the week! Sigh My parents were saying it was cuz I was jet lagged, I didn't eat breakfast, and because I was tired af(which was true), also because Im stressed. Or maybe it's cuz the teachers made us do three laps. After that I legit felt faint, and had a huge headache. Sigh... What'll happen during the mile run 😰. I've really fucked things up recently. About two months ago I finally got a phone plan. But then during the beginning of March I received a text from Rogers saying that I've used up my balance which is 100$ per year. And I was thinking, " wtf? I've barely used it! " I told my parents about it and asked if people had been calling me much, or if I'd been using it often. I told them it was either of them, but they asked if I used my data. I told them I don't think I did and checked. I was pretty positive I didn't use it since it doesn't work at school where there's no wifi. Then when I scrolled down I saw this switch. It said that it would automatically turn on my data when the wifi is slow. If you've ever texted me you should know my wifi is just shitty af. So I told my parents that, and they said that it was ok, we would go to Rogers on Saturday which is tom. I have no idea what'll happen but I hope it's nothing bad. Meh I just hope by the time grade 7 ends I'll be ok and forget all of this ever happened. Or there'll be worse drama in grade 8 but idk. I find it funny. I like to help people but I can't even help myself. Idk what happened to me, in elementary school I used to be super energetic, and had happy thoughts all year round! When grade 6 started I guess I started being self conscious. I used to be able to volunteer, actually participate in class, instead of sitting quietly listening to what the teacher had to say. Well, Mrs.Kochan nags me about not speaking so... Meh. I started having some of these thoughts in grade 6 but I was able to ignore it all. But then grade 7 just went downhill. I thought it was supposed to be one of the best years? I guess not. But I should probably move past all this shit. After writing all this, it's actually made me feel a bit better. Though I still don't know if I would be able to return to my normal self. Oh yea if you've actually read the whole thing congrats you survived this long and boring chapter! Lol.