BACK TO THE HELL HOLE (book.2)

Why?!?!

My mom literally every single time will always state how my brother is better than me when I was his age. Literally like every single day she will always say, 'you know unlike you this guy always (blah blah). And you were worse than him.' And I just hate how every single time she will literally state like all the reasons why I'm worse than my brother. If I confront her about it she would just deny and say something completely random and she would change the topic. Guess what mom? HOW THE FUC* WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW TO ACT?!?! DID YOU EXPECT ME TO BE ALL NICE AND NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT SH*T?!? She CLEARLY doesn't know anything about what I just said. It feels like she pushes me down into a deep dark pit, and abandons me just like that. My self confidence is already very low and most of my friends know that. At this point I have no idea what to even say about my mom. You know how all moms put up a fake act around guests and then when there aren't any guests then your mom would go back to normal. It's such non sense I mean my mom could've just kept it to herself and not say anything about it. She didn't have to say anything in the first place!!!! Like wtf mom you really just had to do that? Or are you trying to make my day worse?! Every single day of my life, there isn't one day where nothing BAD happens. Maybe the reason why my confidence is so low is because of my mom. I haven't really thought about it that way... Maybe that's why. Well it's not gonna get any better I mean she's probably just gonna do the same thing again and again and again. Then she always yells at my for relaxing and having my earplugs in. Like I'm listening to music while doing homework then she would come into my room and say that I can't have both earplugs in. And then she would yell at me for no fuc*ing reason, just cause I don't say anything. Then when I get up and leave to take a bath she would question me and sh*t. I am so pissed and angry at my mom, it's like she's trying to say that I will never be better than anyone in this family. I didn't even do anything wrong and she would just yell at me for no apparent reason!!!! Then when she meets other parents she'll act fake around them. After that she'll ask me about the person who visited like she's investigating into their private lives!! It's completely insane! I have already been driven to the point I can no longer really believe anything that comes out of my mom's mouth. She talks about being respectful but she's not even being respectful to her own daughter!! If she even considers me her daughter.
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I just had to write about this I'm sorry if it's dramatic I just had to.