Despair

seven

❝  you deserve the best  ❞

*     *     *

pressing hard on the door bell, she heard the chime go off, and soon enough justin greeted her at the door. "you found the house alright, then?"

"in the end," selena laughs along with justin. she was freaking out before, texting justin, and worrying that she was lost trying to find the house – he had moved so it was all new to her – and she might as well go back home. she was lost, but she really hoped she could opt out of coming to justin's house. he took her bag and coat, trying to be a gentlemen. "why're you wearing that?" selena had just took notice; he was wearing swimming trunks, and there was droplets of water over his body. "no, no! i'm not swimming. get that out of your head."

all justin does is laugh. "i already got you the swimming things. i knew if i told you beforehand you wouldn't come." selena shakes her head, glaring at justin.

"no," she whines, dragging the word. "i put make-up on! it'll be a waste now."

"is it water-proof?"

"nope," selena pops the 'p', crossing her arms. however, justin picks up the items that were placed beside the door, and shoved it in her arms. he urged her into a spare room, telling her he'll be outside. justin had picked out a two-piece blue bathe-suit.

after putting the bathing suit on, selena walks out to the pool where justin had said he was going to wait for her. she was feeling self-conscious than ever, walking out and seeing justin already in, staring at her with a huge smile on his face. he was staring at her in a pleased way, but selena didn't think that. she thought she looked hideous in the outfit – even if she provided it for herself. she never likes to go swimming due to this matter. she gets into the water, with justin by her side in a swift. "oh, god," selena mumbles to herself, after getting into the cold water, still feeling uncomfortable. however, justin heard her. he moves away from her in a heart-beat, causing her heart to sink. "what? do i stink, or something?"

justin laughs, shaking his head, causing her to take a silent sigh of relief. but still, her heart continued to beat faster at the music to her ears – his laughter.

*     *     *

"i'm sorry," justin says to her quietly, afraid that if he said it any louder she'll break. "i, i didn't realise that you'll..." have a panic-attack, is what justin was meant to say. but she didn't know either that the first few minutes in the pool, justin by selena's side, laughing and telling jokes, would make a panic-attack take place. you never do know, sometimes.

"justin, i'm fine." her voice was shaky, along with her hand – justin could tell by this as the cup in selena's hand was shaking lightly. they both knew that selena could say she was fine all she likes even when she really wasn't. "i guess you know now why i didn't want to get in the pool," selena says to lighten up the mood. she didn't like the seriousness with justin. she liked when he was telling jokes, causing her to laugh, even slightly chuckle. she enjoyed his presence, not much when he wasn't joking and laughing, when he kept repeating the same thing over and over again: "are you sure you're okay?"

"right," justin tries to chuckle, but failed. he was just too worried. he never witnessed a panic attack before.

selena sighs, not liking this moment at all. "i guess i'll go." she didn't want to, but she knew it was for the best. why had i even come? selena thought to herself.

"no – don't go. i'm sorry." why was he sorry, though? did he feel like all this depression and having panic-attacks was his fault?