Despair

seventeen

❝ we were inseparable ❞

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it was three a.m. in the morning and selena wasn't tired. it wasn't like she just had a panic-attack and she was shaken-up. it was just that a lot of things was on her mind, in which she couldn't push back the thoughts in her mind for later so she could sleep. her phone was rested on her stomach, the light from it shining onto the ceiling above her since she was laying on her back, her legs propped up on the mattress.

she thought she was going insane, replaying old memories to herself. but she enjoyed it, because she was happy in them. snapping out of the memories because her phone vibrated on her stomach, she abruptly sits up, reading what she got sent on her phone.

imessage (1)
justin: are you awake?

she read the message over and over again like there was something to figure out. but there wasn't. it was three a.m. and justin asked if she was awake, like she was on his mind and he couldn't sleep.

selena: yes

justin: i'm sorry for everything

selena: sorry?

justin: yes. i fucked up so badly, and am sorry.

selena: how did you fuck up so badly, justin?

justin: can i ring you?

her heart stammers, but she loved it. he was finally speaking to her.

selena: yeah

and right after sending the message she carefully tapped, a call was being sent through her phone. it was him. selena answers swiftly, wanting to be able to hear his voice.

"hey," she whispers, like if she would say it any louder he'll just disappear again.

"hey," justin replies back, his voice husky and rough. selena shifted on her bed, so that she was laying on her stomach and her elbows prompting her up, the phone placed beside her pillow on loud speaker. "i guess you want an explanation?" justin asks for clarification since selena didn't reply back to him.

"right," selena scoffs. but justin randomly giggles into the speaker. "what's funny?"

"you are. i can already imagine the facial expression you're wearing right now." selena chuckles, finally feeling the warmth of justin's presence, like she was greenland and he was the sun that never reached the place.

"you're just going to act like us not speaking for, like, two weeks meant nothing?" selena wanted to just forget it never happened, but she deserved a reason.

"alright, alright, princess," justin giggles as she heard his breath hit the microphone.

"princess? excuse you? what's wrong with you?" selena asks jokingly, laughing quietly.

"shhh," he bellows into the speaker. heaving a sigh, he speaks up again, "i took this packet," she heard him grab for something over the line, like he was showing it to the screen but forgot she couldn't see. "it's weed, can't you see?"

"jus – " the call ended, leaving selena flabbergasted. but seconds literally after, a new call goes through to selena's phone, but instead it was a facetime call. justin was calling. she picks up immediately, setting the phone against her head-board on her bed so he could see her while she was watching him.

[ DO NOT STEAL THIS, I MADE THIS GIF. IF YOU DO, I'LL FIND OUT AND THERE'LL BE CONSEQUENCES ]

he was smirking into the camera, a shallow shade of light in his room allowing her to see him properly. "here," he mumbles, reaching to grab something off screen. it was the same sound selena heard before, but this time she could see what he was trying to show. "weeed," he says in a toddler voice, dragging the word out, a huge grin on his face. he starts giggling again.

"you're kidding, right?"

"no," he says, seriousness in his tone. he places the packet of green brands off screen again, looking to the beauty after. "i was thinking about you today," he admits like it was no big deal.

"really? but you ignored me?"

"doesn't mean i can't think about you," he chuckles. he sighs abruptly. "right, i can't make jokes until i tell you why."

"correct," selena beams.

"well, would sorry do?" selena glares into the camera, and justin stops smiling. "becauseidon'twanttoloseyou," justin says all in one go, forging words together.

"woah, breath," selena says, laughing at his outburst. "say that again."

"because," justin says with a sigh, the word longed out, "i don't want to scare you away."

selena gasped. "scare me away? what are you on about?"

there was a lingering silence after that, followed by multiples of sighs and hair pulling by justin. "alright – i'll try to explain. i thought if we broke from each other for a couple of days would be better." justin shrugs carelessly.

"but what would that benefit?"

"me. it'll benefit me." justin was looking off screen again, at the green grass-like inside the plastic wallet. selena didn't respond, so justin decides to continue on, "because you're so careless about my feelings."

"careless? how the fuck am i careless?" selena spits.

"not like that – it's just that you don't know what you're doing with me."

"what am i doing with you, justin? i don't toy around with your feelings." selena was so confused that it amused justin. he was in hard, he knew it. and even though he was the first to text, he still wanted to try and lose this feeling to selena.

"think about it, selena," he teases.

"i am! but i don't know what you're on about," she moans.

"bye," justin plays. about to press the red button at the bottom of the screen, selena draws him away from doing so.

"justin, please don't. i spent two weeks in my bedroom awaiting your reply, and i don't care how pathetic it sounds. i can't handle you ignoring me, it makes me feel like a waste of a memory."

"i'm not going to ignore you, selena. don't worry. you're not a waste either. if you was i wouldn't be here right now, at three a.m. in the morning, talking to you." he smiles to her. and selena felt it all over again: lust.

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a/n;
they're back, even though they wasn't talking for literally two chapters lmaoo.

I MADE THAT GIF btw, don't bloody steal it! i'm pretty chuffed.

also – lust and love are completely different things, search it up. they're commonly mistaken for the same meaning.