Despair

one

❝sometimes love goes from sunshine to rain❞

*      *      *

selena awoke with the same shallow feeling: depressed. she was used to it now – almost numb to the feeling; she has never felt genuine happy for awhile. the sad thing is, she couldn't go to therapy – nor could she spend her days in bed after spending the night having panic attacks – as it was bad for publicity.

the thing that was different about her was that she was famous. now, to most people who seek attention or popularity, they would say why is she depressed? she has a perfect life.

false. lies, they tell you. being famous isn't easy – far from it. dedication is the key, most people say, but what if you don't have anymore reasons to live? people love to see you fall in the spotlight, and selena has been going down and down a deep black hole, every paparazzi snapping a photo of it to sell copies and get money off of it.

"what do you want?" selena moaned as her executive assistant, also her close friend, walks into the room, disappointment on her beautiful face. theresa (tah-re-sah) has been selena's executive assistant and friend since may, three years ago. they had always been close since. theresa had brown luxurious hair, never disappointing her face; she has green eyes, that always shines.

"where was you?" selena knew exactly what she was talking about: she had just missed precious studio time, where she is meant to be recording her second solo-album. though, she couldn't care. releasing new music meant trying to promote it; then when the album releases the closer to going on tour, promoting the album, and meeting fans. she loved her fans with a passion, but what she did dread was being happy for them, putting on a big fake smile to please them.

"i was tired," selena mumbles, snuggling into her covers. she could never tell her friends that she was suffering with depression – though they knew – since she never wanted to burden them with her problems. her big, pathetic problem. she heard theresa huffing and puffing, knowing full-well that it was hurting theresa to witness her like this – a lifeless girl who used to be so happy. that's how selena felt what everyone thought of her: a waste of a human.

"your new single – which still hasn't been written and recorded – is meant to be released in about four months."

"four months?"

"yes – they moved it more closer. your fans miss hearing new stuff of yours." what theresa meant as 'they' was the record label – always pestering selena. though the last album has been released a year ago, they always find something new – them or fans – to want more from selena. selena just couldn't handle it anymore. she couldn't handle life anymore. she felt so done – she even thought of ending her life, but the pressure of hurting everyone more than she could ever think of made her stop.

"they can wait," selena snaps, releasing a sigh. she closes her eyes, hoping theresa could just leave so she could fall into unconsciousness.

theresa heaves a sigh, storming out of the room, leaving selena alone. but that's how selena always felt – alone. she knew she had amazing parents, friends, fans, but they all couldn't stop her from feeling the sudden isolation.

*     *     *

a/n;
yay, the first chapter's up!! leave feedback; did you enjoy it?

some chapters will be short and some will be long. chapters that are short would be posted as a two piece pack, meaning double updates whenever there's a short chapter another one would be posted afterwards with it – though few hours apart. (this chapter doesn't count lmao). this is not for every time though :-)

thank you!! 💗