Despair

forty-nine

i knock on the wooden door, adjusting the chains around my neck with one hand. on the other hand, i was holding a bright, screaming yellow sunflower that grabbed my attention immediately.

the door opens, and selena, beautiful as ever, was on the other side, a smile that made my heartbeat accelerate. her chocolate brown eyes scans my face before looking down at the sunflower that was in my hand.

"for you," i whisper, stretching out my arm, and knowingly, she takes it from me, her beautifully shaped eyebrows furrowing together in confusion.

she giggles, shaking her head lightly. "thank you," she says as light disbelief touches her tone. "you didn't need to," she added before moving the sunflower closer to her nostrils and sniffing them. she hums in appreciation.

"you gonna invite me in?" i joke, gesturing towards the door. she moves out of the way, inviting me in without saying it. once i pass the threshold, i look around in awe. no matter how many times i was here, i couldn't stop the love that continued to grow for this house and how exquisite it was.

hearing the door shut behind me, i continue to move on into the kitchen, expecting that's where selena was planning to go anyway, for the flower. like predicted, she follows behind me, and as i seat myself on a stool, she walks over to the sink with a vase i didn't see her grab. she fills it up with tap water, afterwards putting the alluring sunflower in it. she places it on the window sill above the sink before facing me.

"it compliments the room," she gushes, admiring it in her own reverie. i chuckle to myself.

once snapping out of her daydream, she faces me with a grin that didn't exactly meet her eyes. i groan, knowing what the on-coming conversation was going to be about.

"justin," she says lightly, walking closer to me with her big brown eyes, watching me cautiously.

"selena," i say, as if this was a moment to be joking around. she comes beside me and sits on the second stool. once the silence begins to take place, i avert my gaze away from selena to anywhere but her.

"i heard," she says ever so lightly, hinting to the worldwide headlines about me.

"it wasn't my drugs," i say immediately in defence. "it was lil' twist's. christopher," i correct, knowing that was the name she knew him by.

"tell me what happened." her voice was so soft and quiet that i could've missed what she said. her voice was also welcoming, and for once i was about to open up to another human being. and this was trouble for me. i wasn't one to speak about feelings, but with selena it was a completely different story. she saw me in my worst moment and this meant a lot to me.

"they informed me there was going to be a house search anyway, because of the police case." i shrug. i wasn't really listening when they gave the information explaining why they was searching my house, so i was clueless to that extent. "christopher was living at my house, and they found the drugs – which wasn't mine."

i felt like i had to say that a lot recently, simply because it felt like no one was listening to me.

this finding the drugs in my house news was old to me, it was only now that the public found out. how they did i don't know. as i look to selena for comfort, she pulls back my messy hair away from my face, allowing her to see my properly. whilst sorting my hair, my hood also fell off.

"i believe you."

it was those simple words that made me feel lightheaded; it was those words that made me notice how much i admired her. the lust i was trying to hide made it's way front.