Despair

forty-six

"i lost all my fans, haven't i?" he whispers into selena's ear, his voice cracking slightly. they was still standing by the front door, holding each other. it took longer than expected for justin to finally calm down, and once he did, this was his first question.

"no, of course not," selena whispers back, tightening her hold on him. "they're still here," she adds, hoping for him to realise it'll get better.

she feels him shake his head no, before continuing to rest it on her shoulder. she knew he didn't want to hear the words 'it'll get better' simply because she hated hearing them same words, too. they wasn't words of comfort.

it was another minute that they continued to embrace before he fidgeted and moved out of the hug. now that his sunglasses were off, selena definitely knew he lost too much weight since the last time they saw each other. her heart beat accelerated just at the memory from when they last saw each other. justin had confessed his liking towards her, but thinking selena was saving a relationship that hadn't even begun, she sent him away.

he runs his shaky hand through his brown hair, pushing it back restlessly. she noted that his hazel eyes weren't meeting her's.

before she could help it, she places her palm on his cheek, urging him to look at her. he flinched at her touch, but soon relaxed, meeting her gaze. now that he did look at her, she was breathless.

she utterly hated seeing him like this, the way he is – the red eyes, his messy hair that he always styled. her heart broke a little bit to see how damaged he was.

his hand lapses her's, so that he was holding her hand that continued to touch his flushed cheek. tearing her hand away from his face, he holds her hand in his, massaging it lightly.

they were both looking at their hands. for justin, he had to grasp the fact that selena was actually here. for selena, she had to try calm herself and her breathing at the interaction.

they were both mute, lost in their own thoughts that clouded their minds. a second later, justin breaks the silence. "thank you," he says wholeheartedly, meeting her chocolate eyes.

"for what?" she asks, puzzled at why he would thank her.

"for being here," he clarifies before continuing to massage her hand gently. his eyes flickers back to their hands before returning to selena. he smiles and selena feels her heart jump out of her body again.

"i'm always here," she replies in a light voice, returning the smile.

but he knew that. he knew that no matter how many times he'll mess things up, she'll always be standing beside him, accepting his apologies. but it hurt him the most at the simple thought of how many times he's going to fuck up before she has enough.

he couldn't help but stare at her pink, soft lips. she saw his eyes moving reluctantly down her face to her lips.

this was the moment she realised it: she definitely liked him. maybe she knew it all along, it was just the fact that she kept trying to deny it.

"justin, what's going on with you and hailey?"

though it was just one question, it was the question that was haunting her endlessly. she wanted him to be happy, sure, but it was just the fact at a time like this, where he proposed his feelings to her, that he would get with her. she wanted an honest answer.

"hailey?" he questions, taken back by her sudden outburst. "nothing's happening between us, sel. we're just friends. i told you all this in hawaii." and then it all clicks together in his mind. "the rumours, right," he speaks his thoughts.

"well, yeah. everyone was saying you two were dating, and well, the pictures of you two were –"

"babe. selena, nothing is going on between hailey and i. we're not dating," he clarifies which makes selena exhale deeply, relief taking over her.

and then the mood shifted intensely into tension. first he was calling her babe as a friendly nickname, next he was saying something sincere.

"for god's sake, selena, i told you i like you, why do you think i would go hook up with her?" he nearly was shouting at her, frustrated at the fact she doesn't understand how much she was hurting him emotionally.

"i know, i know. but the rumours –"

"the rumours," he mutters with an eye roll. "you should know by now, especially since you know how they are, are always false."

he reaches for her hands again as he dropped it in the heat of the moment. squeezing them ever so lightly, he says, "i like you, selena gomez." it was so sincere this time that it made selena's whole body writhe in electric shocks.

he looks into her warm eyes, desperately searching for answers. but she delivers them herself, "i like you, too, justin bieber."

* * *

a/n;
an early update ♡