Despair

nine

❝ don't fight fire with fire  ❞

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"why'd you pick this place?" justin whines into selena's ear, but she couldn't help but smile. "it's so windy!"

"hey! don't moan. it's a do-over of the picnic we never had." justin didn't respond to selena, but instead smiled at her, not saying another word. they go up a hill, as selena said she normally went there to relax, make music, and just think.

selena laid a red and black cotton blanket onto the rocky ground, pulling the basket she had with her onto it while she took a seat, crossing her legs. justin sits next to her. she opens the basket, grabbing food that was wrapped up in foil.

"what's that?" justin asks selena abruptly, grabbing selena's forearm before she could hide it. "you –" justin cut him off from himself, studying the scar that was boldly there on her left wrist. selena tries to pull it away from justin, away from his reach and sight, but he was too strong for her, so she gave in, allowing him to look at it questionably. it wasn't any normal cut on her wrist, it was a self-harm one. "selena, wh – why?" justin asks her, almost speechless, clueless.

"justin, let me go," she squeals, trying again to pull her arm away from justin. he lets her forearm go willingly.

"why, selena? why did you self-harm?" justin demanded.

"i – it's nothing," selena stutters, mumbling.

"selena! that isn't nothing! why? please tell me."

"why? because my career is on the line! the record label are driving me insane, and now they're threatening me saying they'll drop me! if they drop me, where am i going to go?" selena snaps, getting up from the ground from her sudden rage, but justin pulls her back down next to him, where she stayed put. "i have put so much effort into this life – and look where i am now! it – it's just..." she couldn't think of what to say next. she was on the brim of tears. justin sits in front of her just to pull her into a long, strong hug.

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"don't do it again," selena remembers the memory of what justin told her after he had saw her first-ever self-harm. she wasn't proud of it.

the label selena is signed with had been threatening her with herself. if they do drop her, like they claim they would, her career could be gone. well, unless of course, she is signed with a new label. but who else? selena kept telling herself, who else would want to sign a girl who could possibly end her own life?

selena hoped for when justin and her met up justin would forget their previous one, where she had a panic attack. but now, he'll always just keep pestering her about it. "how are you today?" "are you feeling good?"

she knew everyone meant it as a conversation starter, or because they genuinely wanted to know, but she hated it, getting asked that question. because she hated lying with herself, and she hated being reminded of her depression. so uncomfortable, and she really just didn't want to know. almost like she wanted everybody to forget she ever had it, just so they could drop the 'what if she breaks?' act.

(3) justinbieber
don't ignore me...

i asked you how you was...?

i'm sorry

messages from justin flashed on selena's phone, receiving all of them at once, like he sent them at once. selena didn't want to speak to him. she wanted to forget him. she wanted him to forget. one possible argument between both of them and selena's whole personal life could be out in the media – that's what selena thinks. truly, justin wouldn't do that, because he knows what it's like, to be betrayed. he also knew the feeling of what she felt.

sighing, she picks up her phone, which now felt heavy. she knew she had to reply, because like she promised to justin, no matter how pathetic it sounded and seemed, she promised to warn him before ignoring him. she keeps her promises, and she takes them very serious.

(1) selenagomez
what?

selena throws her phone onto the bed carelessly, tugging at her hair. and then the phone went off. "leave me alone, justin," selena mumbles, grabbing her phone.

(1) justinbieber
look, i'm sorry. i don't understand why you're being so..blunt with me.

(1) selenagomez
stop the act

(1) justinbieber
what fucking act?

(1) selenagomez
that you care

"what the fuck!" justin shouts at the phone, as if she could hear him. numerous people look around, but he sends them the other way when he glares at each and every one. justin begins to tap furiously onto his phones keyboard, but sighs, erasing everything he had typed. how was he meant to prove it? he knew nothing about her. she changed so much since they last dated. they had a fling more like, three years ago. they never had real feelings towards one another. justin never thought of the consequences there would be when he left selena. but, now, seeing how hurt she was, seeing how broken she was, he could relate so much – something they never could before. he was beginning to be infatuated by her.

(1) selenagomez
you're broken just as much as i am, you can't help me.

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a/n;
yes, the picnic thing was kinda influenced by jelena's picnic date, but just look at the photos of these cuties