Despair

twenty-two

❝ maybe you could change me  ❞

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it was another day in hawaii, another day of walking along the beach. it was the second time since arriving in hawaii they had done so.

"you never told me," justin says in between eating a peach, "who," he took another bite, "was that girl who," another bite, chewing after, then swallowing, "saw you try to commit," he took another bite from his half-eaten peach, "suicide," he muffled into his peach. justin was speaking about when selena told him why she didn't reply back to him at first: she thought she knew what the conversation would be about so she didn't bother, then telling him she had experience behind this.

"really?" selena asked, not wanting to speak about this when they was meant to forget everything momentarily.

"what?" justin asked flabbergasted; he didn't know what he had done wrong.

"why are you bringing this up now?" he threw the seed and left-over peach he was previously eating into the bin as passing it.

"oh, sorry. i thought –"

"it's fine," selena sighs. she thought he longed to know why. "i'll tell you, on one condition."

"what's that?"

"to not say anything about this anymore this vacation." he nodded straightaway, promising himself to not say another word of this matter. she see's this, smiling to him before preparing herself. "well, i can't remember exactly why, but i tried to commit suicide and i done it at the most ridiculous time too. i tried taking pills this time, not jumping, and i think it was a hotel, and my friend was staying in the same hotel i was, so she walked in on me the second i swallowed the overdose of pills. i'm glad she did, though, or i wouldn't be here today," selena shrugged, like her telling justin something this big meant nothing. "she was shocked at first, so she didn't ask me why since she was occupied with making sure i vomit all the pills back up."

"who was the friend?"

"demi. demi lovato. she texted me after being called away, coming to her senses. i did reply to her at first but became a coward and stopped. i guess that's why we're not on great terms. i know she won't rat out my secret. i do miss her." justin nodded, confused in what to say.

selena smiles awkwardly to him. "i won't say anything either, selena, don't worry," justin finally says to her after taking forever to respond.

"thank you," selena says full-heartedly. "i won't say anything either." he smiles in response.

selena gasps abruptly. "look, justin," selena whispers, "isn't it beautiful?" it was a rocky mountain corner covered with grass and their own waterfall, isolated from the rest of the world.

"woah," justin breaths out, astound. "it is," he agrees.

"let's go there." selena grabs justin's hand, their fingers automatically intertwining with each other's. but, as selena walked, tugging justin to follow, he didn't budge.

"selena," he grabs her forearm with his hand that wasn't holding her's, making her turn around to look at him. "are we even allowed to?" there was a sign before the closed-off beauty began.

"who cares? c'mon." selena walks towards the enchanted view, justin following her willingly.

once getting to the area, right in front of the sign justin saw earlier, selena read it aloud:

no entrance for public.

"oh, that's a shame," justin sarcastically says, tugging selena backwards, not wanting to get caught.

"justin," selena whines.

"what? we're not allowed. lets go before we get in trouble." justin tries again to pull selena away from the premise. however, selena lets go of justin's hand, walking past the sign that stated no one was allowed to pass. "selena!" justin hisses.

"you either come with me or go back, but i'm not going back yet, justin," selena says, turning around to face him. he was worried.

"sel –"

she walks away, ignoring justin. he sighs, inwardly following her, trespassing onto the property. he grabs her hand but not to pull her back, but just to hold it, anxious about getting caught. she squeezed his hand in response as comfort.

"isn't it beautiful?" selena says in complete awe, walking nearer and nearer to the rocky wall that first caught her attention. the bright green grass and flowers were captivating.

"that's enough, lets go be –" but before justin could finish the sentence he said a million times, selena breaks into a sprint, making justin completely flabbergasted and confused. deciding to follow her, he breaks into a sprint, too.

finally reaching the place selena aimed for, she stopped, slightly out of breath. she looked up at the clear blue sky, looking to the mountain, to the grass, taking in every detail. she loved this place.

justin reaches her after a short time, grabbing selena waist to stop himself. he drags her with him until he took control of his foot and stopped, selena bumping into his hard chest, laughing hysterically. "wh – why did you run?" justin says out of breath, anxious than ever.

"i thought i saw someone following us." this makes justin look to the area they entered, his face flushed. selena breaks into another fit of laughter. "i'm only joking, babe."

selena didn't realise what she said until justin commented on it; "babe? since when did you start nicknaming me?" he licks his lips, moving slightly closer to selena, his hand still touching her waist. this had turned him on slightly. "sounds great on you, babe."

she wiggles out of his touch, shaking her head and laughing. "stop," she moans, dragging the word longer than necessary. justin moves closer, licking his pink, plump lips, getting an inch closer to her. she laughs hysterically again, titling her head back to the sky. she knew he was teasing her purposely. moving her arms up, she wraps them around justin's neck, still laughing to the sky.

justin fakes a groan of pleasure, trying to stiffen a laugh. selena stops curtly, looking to justin. he still hadn't styled his hair like he normally would, and it seemed lighter in the beaming sun. he was wearing sunglasses yet again, his favourite accessory.

it happened rather quick after that; all selena could remember was staring at justin, being able to take in every inch of him as he wouldn't know since she, too, was wearing sunglasses; then, he leaned in closer, so did she, throbbing in certain areas; and then they was kissing. it wasn't a long kiss, it was more like a peck, but selena savoured the feeling of his soft lips against hers.

after all this, selena was lost in what she felt, so she laughed it off, as if this was a joke and they did something like this frequently.

justin was hurt.

he didn't expect the response he got. he backed away slowly from her, trying to surpass a smile. she hadn't noticed his response to hers.

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a/n;
yay, first kiss! again, in the most unromantic way¡ :-) vote & comment babes, tell me what you thought of this chapter ♡