Despair

fifty-one, pt two

eight years ago

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the lighting was down low and the music continued to blare in the background. justin flips his hair to the left, getting it out of his way, and also because he knew it drives the girls crazy.

alfredo flores was beside him, eating whatever food he could get his hands on. right now, he was shoving a brownie into his mouth. "blondie keeps staring at me," he says with his mouth full that justin struggled not to laugh. thrusting his chin out to direct justin in which direction to look out, he tells him what "blondie" was staring at him.

justin didn't really think of her as blonde, more like a light brown. a dirty blonde, even. "who is she?" justin asks alfredo, since everybody was a celebrity at the party.

"hailey baldwin. you know, daughter of –"

"yeah," justin cuts him off, looking back at the teenager. she continued to stare at justin for a second before shyly looking away. he giggled, finding her cute.

"i dare you to go up to her," alfredo whispers into justin's ear so nobody except them could hear. justin immediately shakes his head.

"nah. blondes aren't really my thing," he shrugs, a smile willing on his pink lips.

"alright." fredo shrugs back, and then thrust his chin out in a new direction. "what about her?"

there she was: selena gomez. when justin was younger, he used to have a crush on her. it wasn't major or serious, he just found her attractive. but, now that she was in front of him, every scenario he made up in his head of meeting her swims away with his confidence.

"she's selena gomez! i can't!" justin retorts back, feeling suddenly too hot in the room.

"come on, you're justin bieber! i'm sure she's heard of you," fredo says back encouragingly, pushing justin to selena's direction.

as fredo see's the hesitation in justin, which is rare since justin is ambitious, he decides to make a deal. "fine," he huffs, "you speak to selena gomez, and if you do, i'll go and speak to hailey baldwin."

now that was a sight justin wanted to see. in the whole time justin knew alfredo, he knew just how terrible he is when it comes to girls.

"okay," justin grunts, striding willingly to selena. he feels fredo back away and hide, planning to watch justin from afar. now that justin finally stopped in front of selena and she was smiling at him, the confidence he had a minute ago deflated.

"hi," selena says in a bubbly voice, smiling at him.

"hey," justin responds back whilst nodding. an uncomfortable silence breaks out. and then, finding the will, justin speaks up again, "i'm justin bieber, and my idiotic friend behind me somewhere, probably hiding, dared me to come and speak to you. since you're a beautiful lady, i couldn't turn down the dare."

and this, this makes her burst out laughing. like hysterically, laughing to the ceiling. once she cools down, she looks back at him, shaking her head in disbelief. "i can't believe you! you're such a sweet talker." as if this is a bad thing, she shakes her head disapprovingly.

"at least you laughed, because that made my night," he says, winking jokingly afterwards. she laughs again, and this time instead of laughing to the ceiling, she places her hand on his arm which erupts something inside of him – something good, like electric currents shooting through his body by her touch, and he didn't believe it was possible before when he heard stories.

"you're stupid, justin bieber, but cute."

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current day

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"i'm not enough for you," he exhales. he wasn't just saying it, he was also admitting it to himself.

and that was when selena bursts out of her trance. "not enough?" she asks in a shaky voice that made justin's heart cry.

"with everything you went through, with what you're going through now, i believe you deserve the world, the universe and more than just my heart." justin bows his head, and selena yearns for him.

"what are you saying, justin?"

and there it was: justin looks back into her eyes, and everything, just like that, ignites her insides, making her heart accelerate.

"i'm not saying anything. i'm asking you, what is it that's going on? baby, please, tell me."

"but you don't understand!" selena finally snaps after being silent for so long. she could take so much in, but after awhile it bubbles on the surface, and it's moments like this when she snaps, when she wants to shout her opinion, because if she doesn't, she'll absolutely go ballistic.

"understand what, selena?" justin urges her, wishing for her to spill her thoughts, because it's these moments that justin loves, the moments where the walls finally break down and he can climb through before building back up.

"my fucking depression, justin! it doesn't go away overnight, do you not understand? i – i don't know how to explain this to you, but i'm never going to have moments in my life where the cloud disappears and i'll see the sun rays!"

first she was screaming her lungs out, the next she was crying her heart out. it was a drastic change, but it was enough for justin to wrap his strong arms around her tiny body and cradle her. he kisses her forehead, and silently cry with her.

he hated seeing her like this; he hated not having a say; he hated not being able to help her.

he hated himself the most.

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a/n;
i've made a new account/a backup account. i would really appreciate it if you guys would follow it nikIaus

i may post one-shots/short stories on there also, but i'm not sure yet. x