Despair

forty-two

❝ wipe your pretty eyes,
dry 'em on my shoulder ❞

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selena thought she was doing a good job of ignoring justin, but after seeing all the news article of justin gone 'missing' made her very scared for him.

she was in fact outside of his house, her hands too shaky and her breathing at a fastened pace. 

at last, she knocks on the door. hearing commotion on the other side, the door finally opens. it wasn't justin who opened the door.

a girl with lovely blonde medium length hair stood at the door, a frown on her big pink lips. "hi," she says warmly, leaning on one leg and moving closer to the door.

"hi," selena tries to reply back the same friendly way, but there was a bubbling feeling at the pit of her stomach. "is justin here? i need to speak to him."

"he's sleeping," she responds, and selena's eyes immediately snap to what the blonde haired girl was wearing: a crop-top that was a jumper at the same time, and leggings.

"oh," was all she could say. she didn't expect this scenario, it was either justin kicks her out or he shouts at her until she gets annoyed and leaves.

she knew who this girl was.

of course she did, she knew straightaway who she was when she opened the door.

hailey baldwin.

she was the girl that was on every headline with justin, the girl who justin was always cuddling. this was the girl justin was dating.

she was so imperfectly perfect; the way her hair had stripes of brown and the way it works with her appearance.

her cute petite nose made her more better looking in selena's view. and, of course, selena was jealous that someone was this beautiful.

hailey stood there, a scowl on her face. she continued to stand by the door, blocking whatever was behind her, not allowing selena to see.

"could you tell him i was here?" selena finally says, lost for what to do. she really hoped justin would've been here so she could finally understand what was going on. but he wasn't, and she felt like he was doing it on purpose.

but he wasn't; he truly was asleep. he had been too busy partying to pay attention to the time, and once the party was over, he continued to have his own party afterwards.

he was slowly hurting himself. he knew that it was quite stupid to be butt-hurt about a girl that he wasn't in love with – he only liked her. but he didn't understand why he liked her so much to be hurt like he was. if he liked her now, what about love? what would happen if they did perhaps begin to date and they break up – if he was hurting so much now, how worse would it be if he was actually in love with her?

so as he continued to snore away, so clueless that the girl he hoped to fix things with was losing any hope that there was a chance for them. while she drove away, perhaps crying, he was soon to wake up, a hangover the only thing on his mind until he sobers up and remembers everything he didn't want to.

he didn't want to be like this.

he wanted to be happy, and that's all selena ever caused him to feel – until this moment.

he wanted to be the same old him – the one that would do anything for his fans; the one who would stay up all night writing songs just because he had so much inspiration; the one that enjoyed his life; the one that was actually happy doing him.

it was all different, though. he wasn't the same guy who sang 'baby'; he wasn't the guy who felt so free living his life.

it was suffocating, his life. when he first started in this business, he felt like nothing could stop him – that he was unstoppable, that his fans were unstoppable. but now all he ever saw online was how his fans – beliebers – began to disown him, not supporting his actions.

"i love justin so much," he once read on someone's instagram caption with a huge grin, "but he has definitely changed," and that grin he had turned into a frown, "and, yes, i love him, but i feel like i can't stan him anymore. it's so hard being a belieber that..."

he felt like he was forced to be something that he undeniably wasn't.

the worse thing: his fans were struggling to understand why he was acting like this.

it was so much worse than it being called a phase. he mentally wasn't okay, and nobody understood. if he shouted it out to the world still nobody would understand.

nobody understood so he gave up.

he gave up that there was any chance of him being the person he once was. he gave up hope that he could once make his fans proud again.

rolling around on his bed, slowly but surely waking up, he momentarily was peaceful with himself.

but once he clears the hangover, it'll all go back to normal...

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a/n;
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