Despair

sixty-two

❝ if you love me, you hurt yourself ❞

* * *

the following days were a blur. scooter had somehow convinced the label to pass over selena – justin hated saying this because he seemed like it was objectifying her.

as the whole process proceeded without justin's effort, selena had started spending more time with him. even though he was not help to the situation, she seemed to find him as help.

which he wasn't complaining about.

of course he loved the time spent with her, but it was the fear of damage that'll he'll do to her. it was inevitable.

he wished it could be any other way; a way where he shouldn't fear if he'll hurt her mentally and emotionally, a way where he hadn't cheated, a way where – he wished for everyday – he could rewind time and change paths of ever hurting her in the past.

today, however, he tried to rid these thoughts and just focus on her for now.

"i'm now officially signed with scooter's label!" selena excitedly squealed, removing the train of thoughts that clouded justin's mind, walking into the kitchen of his home – she previously walked out to answer the nerve-wracking phone call that announced her fate.

"i'm no longer in a relationship with abel." she giggles, plopping down beside me on the second bar stool. i smile as a congratulations.

"i wanna celebrate," she proposes the idea, heaving out a sigh of pleasure, the imagery of alcohol satisfying her tastebuds.

he would be lying if he didn't have the same thirst for the alcohol, but ever since that night where he ruined everything, he hadn't touched it.

"c'mon," she begs, wanting to celebrate this night with him, and him alone. he shakes his head, hoping she would take it as an answer.

in an alternative world, where justin never had cheated and worked out the relationship with selena, everything would've been fine. she never would've been in trouble or an fake relationship with her label, she would've been in justin's arms and care.

she would've have been his.

she would've been in love.

he knew it. the nights where he couldn't sleep, he relived every memory, every mistake. he realised during the nights of his insomnia that she was afraid to love, afraid to let someone into her life, even someone she wanted to be.

he realised this too late, however.

but he knew if he could he would change that. he was so oblivious, so high on cloud nine, to notice his surroundings, to notice his love hurting.

and again, selena snapped him out of his thoughts. "justin," she flirtatiously calls for him, sliding her fingers closer to his arm, sending shivers at the close touch down his spine.

"stop," he whispers. moving his arm away from her touch. he slides off the seat, ambling away from her.

"what's wrong?" she thoughtlessly asks, not aware of her actions.

god, did it hurt to see her confused expression that made his heartbeat speed up.

her heart shaped lips puffs out, biting on the skin of her bottom lip out of an old habit.

"we can't do this," he explains, seeing her curiosity that was wiped across her face shatter into pain. 

"do what?" she questions even though she knew exactly what. she didn't want it to be true; she wanted to stay in her little bubble where she believed they could rekindle their love.

of course, that wouldn't happen.

not because that they knew they still loved each other, but because of the damage they've already done. they couldn't reverse time, they couldn't reverse the heartbreak. they was stuck in the present, in the Now, where everything couldn't go according to their dreams and hopes.

even as they stared at each other, justin's beautiful hazel eyes clouded, they knew the unspoken conversation as if they already done this encounter before.

still, the inevitable happened. "we can't do this again," justin declared referring to the relationship. he could hear his own heart crack.

"i know," selena replies, stopping him of his excruciating words that she didn't want to hear or be able to.

at that, she trudged out of the room, knowing that this would be the last time.

*        *        *

a/n;
lmao i said i was going to do a double update yesterday but forgot to post this!¡ anyways, this is the end !! ♡