Despair

twenty-one

❝  never thought a love like yours
would leave me all alone ❞

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"what the –" justin stops himself from saying anymore, which just causes selena to become frantic. they was in the bedroom, ready to call it a day.

"what?"

"there's only one bed, i asked for two."

"wh –" she had thought there was two bedrooms, apparently not.

"it's okay; i'll make a bed on the floor for myself while you take the bed."

so after selena came out of the bathroom – justin went first – to brush her teeth, she walked in on justin laying cushions on the floor. blankets were already laid out. it didn't look very comfortable.

they both got into bed, with justin on the floor, and ready to sleep. selena felt terribly bad for taking the bed while he didn't.

"justin," selena called out to the darkness after there was lingering silence in the air. there was a hum in response from him. "sleep up here, with me." she patted the empty space beside her on the bed, feeling bad for him to sleep on the harden floor.

"are you sure? i'm fine here, sel."

"yes." he reluctantly gets up, walking around from the bottom of the bed and to the side of the bed selena hadn't claimed. slipping underneath the covers and onto the mattress, he lets out a pleasant sigh, as this wasn't hurting his back unlike the floor. after justin settles down – a gap away from each other – selena shuts her eyes, ready to try and go to sleep.

just when she was going to slip into unconsciousness, justin stops her from doing so. "why do you keep pushing me away?" it was like all the heaviness she felt on her eyelids vanished away and she was now wide-awake, as if she never knew the concept of tiredness. her heart speed picks up while she thinks of what to say. justin expands on what he said from before since selena didn't reply, "like – i don't know – you let your walls down just for five minutes before building them back up, stronger than before."

"i – i don't know what you're on about," selena stutters nervously, her skin becoming hot.

"you've been different ever since that first facetime call, and all i can come up with for why your walls are tougher is because i'm a fuck up and i stopped replying to you." selena felt him shrug beside her.

she rolls onto her side, placing her arm underneath her head, facing justin. justin stares into selena's shimmering eyes in the dark. "what do you expect me to do, though, justin? you ignore me like i mean nothing to you and post a picture online of a girl who is so much prettier than i am. if you was me how would you feel?" selena heaves a sigh, realising she raised her voice.

justin sighs distressfully. he knows he fucked up, and it seems like he can never make it up to selena, but he's determined to. he decides not to respond; they've been having the same argument almost all the time and they was just repeating themselves now. "you're beautiful," he mumbles under his breath to selena. she didn't hear him.

"who was the girl? i mean, she's a model, i know, but what is she to you? your girlfr –?"

"no," justin stops her from finishing abruptly. silence.

they lay beside each other, not saying a thing. they wasn't tired anymore. it wasn't the awkward silence most people found themselves in, it was like they was just staring into each other's eyes' and getting lost in them, going to another galaxy. she felt belonged in this moment. justin shuts his eyes, stopping them both from staring. selena looks away, feeling flustered. "she's a friend," justin finally says, saying what selena always wanted to hear ever since she saw that photo, but, even though it was what she wanted, she didn't feel like it was fulfilling.

selena rolls back onto her back, a bang of jealousy rising in her, like a knife was inside of her, ripping her heart open to bleed out. she shuts her eyes, already feeling the tears stinging the edging. "i - i'm sorry, i shouldn't've asked," selena stutters, her voice betraying her and coming out shaky.

justin switches positions with selena: he was the one lying on his side now with his arm underneath his head. "what?" selena sucks in deep breaths, feeling her throat close up. "selena, look at me." but she didn't obey him because she knew as soon as she opens her eyes tears would fall down her sullen face. she couldn't look at him. "selena!" he shouts. still no response from her. moving his arm from underneath his head to leaning on his elbow, he reaches his hand out – the one he's not leaning on – and delicately touches her face.

skidding his index and middle finger down her jawline, stopping when reaching her perched chin, he moves her head to his direction. "selena," he whispers too closely to her. she shivers. "sel," he repeats softly. moving his fingers from holding her chin, he brushes his thumb against her mushy cheek, where he's the one to get shivers this time. tracing her brag outline, she loses against his touch; she opens her eyes, automatically meeting with justin's. "selena," he breaths out, "you're beautiful, okay? don't compare yourself to anyone. and hailey, she's just, and only will be, a friend."

she nods gently against his hand, where he's still cupping her face. his hand lays there for a second more, like he's reluctant to say something, even though he wants to; he was scared to; so he retrieves his hand. "justin," selena mumbles, "promise me something."

"anything."

"please don't do it again, ignoring me. it hurts me."

"i promise you, selena gomez, i won't do it again without your consent." she chuckles, hesitantly shutting her eyes. "good night, beautiful."

"stop...that," she says tiredly.

"stop what?"

"with that nickname." she gets more comfortable in the bed, close to falling into slumber.

"beautiful? i like it."

"i – i don't," she yawns, "like it."

he laughs, laying in his old position, on his back. "go to sleep; goodnight."

"goodnight."

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a/n;
quick update before i'll go sleep ♡