Bungou Stray Dogs Oneshots (Reader Insert)

Ranpo Edogawa x Reader [CRACK/SMUT]

Warning.. this is absolute CRACK XD Please don't kill me!

There he sat. Crossed arms, sulking and ignoring everyone. It was no secret that Ranpo was not happy since he started dating you. Why? Because you didn't spoil him enough, and often reprimanded him for his childish actions. Dazai sat on the sofa, doing nothing like always and chuckled at Ranpo's sulking. "She didn't let you fuck her yet, huh?" he asked, making Tanizaki drop a file in utter embarrassment of the topic. The older black haired male turned away, offended. "Shush." he answered and sighed. "Ne, Ranpo-san. I got you some candyfloss." you sang happily as you came back from shopping with Atsushi. Ranpo looked up, grinning like an idiot. His world was fine, for now. "You are the best [Y/n]!" he shouted, running up to you. "Aw, I missed you so much!" he smiled and you blushed a bit, being flustered by this. He never said something like that to you. "That's cute Ranpo-" you cut yourself off when he took the candyfloss from your hands, hugging it to his chest. "Oh.. you meant your sweets." you sighed in annoyance, going to your work area. To be honest, you didn't had the most romantic relationship. Though you prepared yourself not to have a caring boyfriend after Ranpo decided to date you. He chewed on his candy while you sat next to Tanizaki to work on a recent case. "[Y/n]?" Ranpo asked after a while. "Yes?" you asked, looking up. Ranpo seemed kinda sad and guilty. Was he about to say sorry for his behavior? "I ran out of sweets again.. can you buy me more?" he asked, putting up a childish grin. .... .... Now, you've had enough. This guy has got some nerve. Not only did he rarely say to you that he loved you, he didn't even show you anything like love and affection at all. You felt like his cleaner, his servant. "You've had enough sweets for today." you told him and went back to work. "I did not..Don't be like that and buy me some sweets! Hey, I want this 3 kg bucket of jelly-babies!" Ranpo grinned, pointing at a random flyer. "Then by them by yourself. I am not your maid or something." you told him a bit harshly. Ranpo sulked even more and turned around with his chair, showing you his back. "Meanie." Your friends from the Agency remained silent during your relationship discussions. Though nobody knew the reason you were still a couple. Ranpo had his good sides, even when he never showed them. He was childish and arrogant most of the time, but in private he had a softer side. You loved him and that's why you had so much patience with him. If he only would show that cute side more often.. "I'm going to spend the night in Tanizaki's and Naomi's apartment to work on this case, so I won't be home." you told him, leaving in alone again in your shared apartment. "..Will you buy the jelly-baby basket when you come home?" he asked with teary eyes. You narrowed your eyes and left the building with the Tanizaki siblings without saying a word. "That's a no then, yeah?" Ranpo sulked, letting his upper body drop on the table. "Ranpo." Kunikida began. "Do you even love [Y/n]?" he asked. "What's with that stupid question? Of course I love her." Ranpo mumbled, though he was not very persuasive. "Really? Why don't you show it then?" Kunikida questioned further. Ranpo was annoyed by his questions. He crossed his arms and tried to sleep. "If you keep being such a big baby, she'll leave you soon." the blonde teacher explained. "She would never leave me! I am the best boyfriend in the whole world!" Ranpo sang, pretty confident. "If you say so. But let me tell you one thing about women. They want to be loved as much as you want them to love you." „Aww Kunikida-kun knows women? Did you google that?" Dazai asked, amused and got a punch in his face from his partner. "Need a helping hand Ranpo-san?" the suicide maniac sat beside him. "No, I am fine." he sighed. "But I know how you can get [Y/n]-chan to worship you~" he whispered, making Ranpo curious. „Tell me!" he grinned and Dazai smirked. "Listen.." -.-.-.-.-.-.- It was late night and you couldn't sleep. You missed Ranpo's body that you would snuggle up against in bed. Even though he was more like a child, he loved to cuddle with you. While still absorbed in your thoughts, you heard your cellphone ring. A quick look at the display and it said it was your boyfriend. Browsing through his SMS, he wanted to meet you in the Agency to talk to you about something regarding your relationship. That was odd. At the Agency in the middle of the night? But since you missed him, you got dressed and drove to the Agency. During your way up the stairs, you felt slightly anxious. Something serious... did he wanted to break up with you? Well, he would never do such a thing. When you opened the door to the office, it was quite dark. Only some candle lights illuminated the room. You raised a brow in confusion. „Thank you for coming. Please take that seat in the middle." Ranpo spoke from the side-room. Now you were clearly confused. "Ranpo.. did you hit your head?" you asked, but he didn't answer. So you sat on the seat he prepared and waited for what he was about to do.. You blinked when you heard slow music begin to play. The whole room seemed to glimmer in a magical atmosphere when Ranpo slowly walked from the side-room into the office. He grinned and took off his cap to put it on your head. „What are you up to?" you asked him. "You'll see. Just sit back and watch, love." he grinned and took off his poncho to put it in your lap. You blinked several times when you saw him dancing lightly to the music and slowly undressing his sinful body. After all he was good looking and though this happening was odd as hell, you enjoyed the view. When Ranpo was still in his boxer shorts, he grinned and sat in your lap, cupping your cheek lightly. "Wanna see my precious lollipop too~?" he asked with a seductive tone. "Ranpo.. are you drunk or something?" you asked with a slightly blushing face. You didn't go that far before, both of you didn't see the other naked before. "No, but I don't want to lose you either. So I want to show you my seriousness." he explained. "With stripping?" you teased him and laughed a bit. He sulked and turned away, pulling away from you in the progress. "Aww don't sulk Ranpo-san, you know I love you. And I want to see your lollipop~ In fact, I want to suck it too." you smirked, now making the black haired male nervous. Though he would never admit it. Instead he grinned and took hold of his boxers, pulling them down very slowly. You whistled while he did so and was about to enjoy the view when the door to the Agency opened. "I told you I saw lighting from the outside Dazai!" Kunikida sighed. Both males stopped when say saw the scene before them. You blinked in embarrassment as Ranpo's eyes opened wide and he turned to Dazai and Kunikida. "Oh holy fuck, you really did it!! Ahahaha~! Oh my god, is that a ribbon around his.." Dazai began before he was dragged away by Kunikida. Both left without any more words, leaving Ranpo and you alone. "What.. did Dazai-san mean by you did it?" you asked after a short moment of silence. Ranpo covered his crotch with his poncho and sighed. "He said a strip would turn you on~ I don't want you to think I am just childish the whole time." he said. You blinked and stood up. Ranpo looked at you and took a step back. "You are an idiot, you know that?" you chuckled and hugged him tightly. "You don't have to do something that would embarrass you. But.. it was a nice turn on that made me feel hot." you whispered in his ear. Ranpo grinned and forced you to look at him by grabbing your chin. "You want me to show you my love for you? Here you go.." he growled and smashed his lips on yours in a forceful kiss. He didn't take long to get you moaning into his kiss. His fingers traveled down your body, feeling every inch of your bare arms. Your hands roamed his naked body and you didn't even notice he had dropped his poncho because you stopped when you felt lower and there was something hard. Ranpo grinned and pulled away. "You like that?" he asked and took your hand, leading it directly to his hard member. You gulped and only nodded in response. "He's waiting for you~ Wont you let him in?" he asked and nibbled on your neck, making you moan in delight. He pushed you back to one of the tables and unbuttoned your shirt. You didn't stopped him and felt his muscles with your fingertips. Ranpo groaned lowly when he felt your fingers on his chest. It made him felt like he was about to explode. He was so excited after all. "You sure, you want to go through this all the way?" he asked and kissed down to your breasts. "I am.." you answered, taking of your pants. When he was about to let his hand disappear into your womanhood, the door opened again. "Sorry guys, we forgot the file from.. ... Please clean my table after you are done, thanks." Kunikida sighed, taking the file and closing the door with a loud thud. Ranpo and you groaned in frustration. Maybe you had to look for a more private room..But at least your relationship reached a new level ♥ END EXTENDED ENDING Ranpo collapsed over you and tried to catch his breath. Your love makings were so exhausting, it took away all of his strength. You felt relieved and put your hands around his neck, pulling him into your kiss. "You are crazy.. Using the director's office to make love.." you breathed. Ranpo chuckled and pulled himself out of you, laying next to you on the big sofa. "He's not here right? He has a meeting with Ougai, so we have this place all to.." Ranpo stopped when he heard the office door opening from the outside and Yukichi's voice. "SHIT!" you both said at the same time, looking for your clothes and for a hiding spot. You noticed his big cabinet and took Ranpo to hide there. The door opened and you heard a second voice. It sounded like Ougai. "I would have never guessed that I would be visiting you here." Ougai chuckled. "Me neither. But I look forward to our time working together. Well, it seems it is about to rain. Would you mind taking my umbrella on your way back?" Yukichi suggested and you heard footsteps draw nearer. When Yukichi opened the door, two naked bodies flew next to him on the floor. "...." Yukichi was dead silent and Ougai watched you both escape before he turned to Yukichi. "I hope you hadn't invited me to do THIS?"