Bungou Stray Dogs Oneshots (Reader Insert)

Ranpo x Reader x Dazai

"Do you see her yet?" Ranpo asked, his face glued to the big window. Dazai stood beside him and hung out of the open window to have a better look. "No. Her graceful features are nowhere to be seen~" the dark haired male sighed, disappointed. You were supposed to be back from your mission today but it took longer than you expected. Ranpo and Dazai were worried sick since they both had a thing for you.
"You guys are embarrassing." Yosano sighed, looking at her nails out of boredom. "Aww Yosano-sensei is jealous that [Y/n]-chan gets all our attention." Dazai chuckled. Ranpo smirked and turned away from the window. "Not that you would have any chance against me. I am the best after all. [Y/n]-chan would never choose you over me." he black haired male said, full of confidence. Dazai smirked back. "Are you sure..~? Why would she choose such a lazy idiot like you?" he asked. Kunikida burst out laughing, a pretty rare sight. "Dazai, you are as lazy as Ranpo." he said, wiping a tear that formed out of laughter. "I am not! See, Ranpo is so lazy that he has to sit down while peeing just because he is too lazy to stand!" Dazai nodded. "Do you watch other men while they pee?!" Atsushi asked, flustered. Dazai chuckled. "Yep." was his reply that made the whole situation a bit awkward.
"Anyway, she has no reason to choose Ranpo. [Y/n] needs a real man." Dazai nodded, grinning to himself. "Show me a man. There is nobody in the entire Agency I would call a 'real man'" Yosano chuckled, earning a collective 'OI!' from the other males. Ranpo huffed in annoyance when Dazai snatched his glasses to put them on. "Oi, look at me. I am the great Ranpo-san. The best detective in the entire world! [Y/n]-chan choose me if you love small dicks~" Dazai mimicked and made some funny poses. Ranpo, however, got angry and tried to get his glasses back. He didn't even think that it was funny in the slightest. "Oh look at me, I am a suicidal maniac! I want to die, but I don't want it to be painful because I am a little pussy!" Ranpo hissed back, trying to mimic Dazai like he did with him.
"Hey! I am not a pussy. It's just not nice to endure pain while dying!" Dazai pouted, trying to keep Ranpo's glasses out of his reach. "You are really like little kids. Do you think [Y/n]-chan would want to take care of you in this state?" Kunikida sighed and rubbed his temples. "She can take care of me whenever she wants" Dazai grinned, hugging the air. "Dazai-san..? What you said about.. Ranpo's size down there.. How do you know..?" Atsushi asked then, perplexed. Dazai grinned. "The camera I installed in the men's bathroom told me~ oh and Kunikida-kun I never would have guessed that you shaved down there. You looked like an innocent boy." the dark haired suicide maniac giggled, even as he was being choked by both Ranpo and Kunikida. "BASTARD!"
"Uhm.. what the hell are you doing? What if clients see you this way? The reputation of our Agency will drop down to zero." you sighed, standing at the door frame and shaking your head in disbelief. "[Y/n]-chan.. how long were you standing there?" Ranpo asked, hoping you overheard a certain topic. "Well, I already heard your discussion even before I was at the Agency. Other pedestrians too by the way. Dazai, I hope for your own safety that you didn't install any cameras in the women's bathroom too." you said, preparing your fists for action. "Don't worry, I don't see Yosano or Naomi in this way. I only installed a camera in your own bathroom from your apart..- I mean I would never install a camera in your apartment!" Dazai corrected himself, waving his hands and running away when you chased him to punish this idiot.
It was the next day when Ranpo and Dazai decided to have a competition about getting your attention. You already knew that both males were interested in you and you felt flustered by that. But you couldn't even decide who you loved more. You fucking loved both, that was your dilemma. Instead of choosing one, you thought you could let both try to get you and see who's better. And that was exactly Dazai and Ranpo's plan actually. So you sat in the Agency and waited for one of the males to take action.
"[Y/n]-chan~ Wanna eat some candy with me? I got your favorite, [fave candy]." Ranpo smiled, waving the sweets in front of your face. You giggled and nodded, you loved sweets. Ranpo was satisfied and pulled you into his lap, feeding you the sweets. "You've got something on your lips." Ranpo chirped and bent to your face to lick away the chocolate. You blushed a bit, but loved his affection. It was rare for Ranpo to be such a sweetheart, but he was destined to win you over. "Thank you, Ranpo-san. You are cute." you said, making the male blush and grin. "Not as cute as you~" he said, hugging you tight and already seeing himself as the winner.
However the peaceful relaxation came to a sudden end when Dazai stormed through the door. "Ranpo you little bastard!" Dazai growled and walked to both of you. "Today was my day with [Y/n]-chan!" he hissed, snatching you away from him. Ranpo chuckled. "Well, all's fair in love and war. I am sorry Dazai, but I won't give her up so easily." he grinned. "Well, if everything is allowed.." Dazai grinned, pulling you closer and kissing you on the lips, making Ranpo's mouth agape. "Who kisses better?" he asked. "I mean.. if he ever kissed you." he teased, making Ranpo angry. "No, he didn't.." you said, flustered. "Well, that's something we can change, can't we?" Ranpo smiled, stealing you back from Dazai's grip and smashing his lips on your own.
He tasted like your favorite candy and his tongue licked your lips as if it were ice cream. "So.. who kisses better?" Ranpo asked, seeing in your blushing face that he clearly had won. Dazai grumbled. "I.. don't know.." you mumbled. The dark haired male took your hand and dragged you away. "Let's go somewhere without that prick." he said, and didn't even give you any chance to respond.
After that, you went to Dazai's favorite spot, the cafe, he sat down and sulked. "You pay him so much more attention than me." he whined, clinging to your side. "I don't. He is the one that is attached to me, exactly like you are." you giggled, patting his head lightly. "That's only because I love being around you~" Dazai said, pulling you into his lap and kissing your temple. You sighed in delight, loving every moment with both of them. That didn't helped you decide either. That was a real problem.. They wanted a decision from you, but they were both so cute and dedicated. "Dazai-san, I like you. I really do." you spoke, making Dazai snicker in victory. "But I also like Ranpo." you sighed. Dazai froze a bit before he tightened his grip. "Then let me make you forget him." he whispered, kissing you with more force than before. His hands wandered under your shirt and graced your bare back, making you moan.
Other customers watched you silently when Dazai sat you on the table, totally forgetting you are in public. "It's not that easy Dazai-san. I can't decide because I like you both." you sighed, making the male above you stop his ministrations. He chuckled and nuzzled your neck. "But I don't want to share you with him. Too bad."
"NEITHER DO I WANT TO SHARE HER WITH YOU!" Ranpo yelled, storming in from the door to you and pushing Dazai away. He pulled you into his arms in a protective manner and looked at Dazai, before he turned to you. "Now or never, choose one of us." he said. Dazai nodded, crossing his arms for an answer.
You gulped and thought for a bit. "Alright.. I.. choose..."
.... and who you choose, dear reader-chan, is up to you :p