Loving, Caring Hearts Book II of Lying Cheating Hearts (Completed)

Chapter 36

Ano ba ang pamilya 'pag walang baby?

Hindi ko na napigilang hindi umiyak. I was frustrated. I so knew mas marami pang tao ang may mas mga malalalang problema pero hindi ako handa sa nangyayari. I thought having a baby was easy, that having a perfect life with Jake was easy, kasi tapos na yung gulo at pain namin. I wasn't prepared for this kind of a dilemma.

I couldn't talk to Jake about it. Ayokong mag-alala sya. Ayokong aluin nya 'ko. Ayokong mag-mukhang kawawa. Ayokong mas sisihin pa ang sarili ko dahil hindi pa 'ko buntis. I didn't know if it was my fault or not pero that's how I was feeling.

Browsing on Facebook wasn't fun either. Every scroll may bata, anak ni ganito, ni ganyan. May mga nanay na pangatlo na yung ipinanganak nya, pang-apat. Some are naming their kids 'Una', dahil may pangalawa, at may pangatlo pa silang balak na kaya nilang iplano kasi mag-sex lang sila isang beses, poof! Buntis na.

Eh 'di ikaw na may anak.

I scrolled further.

Eh 'di ikaw na ang nabuntis... na naman!

Four of my friends who had recently gotten married got pregnant a week after their weddings. Fvck 'diba?

May Sunday lunch sa bahay ng mga Estanislao at kasama daw ni Chris ang bago nyang girlfriend, ang dating ex ni Ron, na si Chloe.

I like Sunday dinners with the Estanislao clan 'cause you go in tensed, pressured to say the right words pero light-hearted lang naman talaga silang accomplished na pamilya. Intimidating at first but really kind, sweet and rowdy just like other families.

Kaya lang... I knew they'd ask us again kung buntis na 'ko.

"Babe, let's not talk about... you know," simula ko kay Babe as warning.

"What?" tanong ni Jake.

"The fact that we're struggling to have a baby," I said. It was painful to admit it but that was the situation.

"We're not struggling Babe. Ngayon lang 'tong month na 'to." Hindi sya makapaniwala sa disappointment ko. "Papa-check up na ba tayo? Gusto mo ba?" he lovingly asked.

Check up? What if ako yung problema? Iiwan ba 'ko ni Babe?

"Babe?" He repeated.

"May pasa ka pa ba?" iba ko ng usapan. Nasuntok kasi sya ni Chris sa bigla ni Chris nang lumabas si Chloe from Chris' room one morning sa condo ng kapatid. It was then we knew na sila na talaga ni Chloe. "Baka pansinin na naman ni Mommy yang pasa dahil andyan si Chris."

"Hindi na halata," sabi nya.

"'Wag tayong masyadong maaga. Ayokong tanung-tanungin ako ni Mommy kung bakit ayaw pa nating magka-baby," I said.

"Ayaw pa natin?" naguluhang tanong ni Jake.

"Ano ka ba Jake. Nung interview sabi mo next year pa. Para nga hindi tayo mapressure diba? Kunyari 'di pa natin gusto."

"Yeah, oo nga pala. Just tell her if she asks na ayaw ko pa. Na gusto pa kitang masolo muna. Babe, mag-asawa na tayo. Every comment, opinion of other people kahit parents ko pa o parents mo, they're just noise. We could listen if we want to but this is our lives. We are taking charge of our own."

I nodded. Okay. Sige. 'Wag ma-pressure sa sasabihin ng iba.

Niyakap nya 'ko from the back. "Change this black dreary dress? Baka mapansin ka ni Mommy sa darkness nito. Para kang blackhole," he said pouting.

I smiled. Oo nga naman.

I changed into a white dress. Wala nang mas puputi pa sa white dress ko. It says hope! I put my hair up into a ponytail and I put on a red lipstick for something people could focus on.