You Don't Know Me

My Thoughts

CHAPTER 15

'Honey, did you hear me? I said I ha-'

'Yes, I freaking heard you!' I snap. I can't get my head around the fact that my mum is ill. 'I need some air,' I mutter and close the door behind me.

It has stopped raining now but it is still a little chilly. I can't go back there so I carry on walking. Walking isn't distracting me so I begin to run. I run until I become out of breath and have to focus on sucking the oxygen from the air. I keep running until I have to stop, and then carry on running. I don't jog, I run, as if I’m running for my life.

~~~~~~~~~~

I come across my favourite park as a child. I decide to go and sit on one of the benches. I sit still, watching the children playing with their parents. One little girl, who looks about five, captures my attention. She has long blonde hair with light blue eyes. She has a Barbie doll in her hand while she's running around with a grown man chasing her. The girl laughs and the man picks her up tickling her. He looks like her dad because he has that proud look shimmering in his eyes. The girl reminds me of a certain someone. Me

'Daddy, push me on the swings!'

'Come on then, angel; let's get you on the swings.' 

'Keep going daddy, I want to touch the skies.' 

'Okay, my little princess,' he laughs.

 'I feel dizzy daddy.'

'Let's get you down then Kiera, I can't have my favourite girl feel dizzy can I?' I shake my head. 'Is that all better?'

'All better daddy.' He opens his arms and says 'come and give your daddy a big hug princess,' and I wrap my arms around his head. 'My beautiful, smart and kind Kiera, I love you with all my heart.'

'I love you too daddy.'

I'm so lost into my thoughts that I don't even notice the river streaming down my cheeks. I can't help but wonder what happened to my father over the years. 'Are you okay? You're crying,' a young boy, probably aged six asks me. I can't help but stare into his turquoise coloured eyes, I know they're familiar but I can't seem to work out where I’ve seen them before.

'Yes, I’m fine.'

'No, you're not, you were crying.'

'Yes, but I’m fine now.' He scrunches up his face in confusion before asking 'how can you be fine in seconds? That's impossible.' A genuine smile seems to creep up my lips as I reply by saying 'not all the time.'

He sits beside me on the bench and curiously asks 'what do you mean?' And I honestly don't know so I change the subject.

 'Where's your mum?' I can feel a burning sensation in my eyes after saying that last word but I blink them away.

'I don't have a mum.'

'What? Everyone has a mum,' but I won't very soon and I mentally slap myself for thinking that.

'Well, then everyone except me.' I look at him, trying to analyse him and he says 'my dad told me she died when I was born.' I can't help the tears anymore, no matter how hard or how much I blink, they just come rushing out, disobeying my brain's commands. He looks so upset and I can see his eyes becoming teary so I say 'aw, no, don't cry,' while tapping his shoulder.

 'But you're crying.'

'Yes, I am.' I say smiling.

 'I can't help it, when I see people cry, it makes me want to cry.' I cry even more at what he said and as a result so does he. I wrap my arms around him because he's got to be the smartest little kid ever. I get a clean tissue from my pocket and wipe his eyes with it.

 'So where's your dad?'

'He's working.'

'Are you going to tell me who you came with then?'

'I came with my big brother.'

'Where is he now?'

'I don't know, I was with him but then I saw you crying and I had to come over because pretty girls shouldn't cry.' I don't why but I find myself blushing at his words.

'What's your name?' I ask. 'My name is-'

'Tommy! What the hell are you playing at?' I look up because I swear that voice is familiar and I see Joe and I realise that they both have the exact same eye colour. So this is the brother he was talking about. 'I'm sorry, but she was crying.'

'So? Do you want to make everyone that's upset happy?'

'Just the pretty ones,' Tommy replies bluntly and I begin to blush again.

'Tommy, go to your friends.'

'Okay, bye,' he waves to me and I wake back.

'I'm sorry for the crap he said to you.'

'Crap? He didn't say crap; the only one that has the ability to do that is you.' His facial expression immediately falls.

 'Look, I get that you’re upset and stuff but you don't have to take it out on me.'

'Shouldn't you be babysitting your brother?'

'He can look after himself.' Joe replies as he shrugs his shoulders.

'It's your job isn't it, seen as your dad is at work and your mum is dead.' His eyes widen in shock.

 'He told you that?'

'Yes, he did, he was pretty upset about it and you know what? I feel sorry for him, having someone like you to take care of him.'

'And you don't think I’m upset about it?'

'How can you? You're just a cold stupid school boy that entertains himself by annoying others and has no genuine feelings for other people!' He stares at me, like he can't believe what I said. Not even I can believe what I said.

'Yeah? Well, who's the cold one now?' He replies sadly as he walks away. Instantly, I regret what I said and realise that sitting in this park won't change the fact that my mum's ill so I pluck up the courage to go back home.

I walk into the house and quietly shut the door. 'Kiera, is that you?' My mum asks.

'Yes, mum.' I walk into the kitchen and they're both sat in the same place before I left.

 'Did you get some air?' My dad asks and I nod my head.

'Sit down, Kiera,' my mum says so I sit down. 'We're going to get through this.'

'How are we going to get through this? There's no cure for brain tumours.' I reply negatively to my mother’s comment.

'Kiera!' My dad warns me that is his way of telling me to shut up. He used to do it when I was a child but recently, he's been saying "shut up" to warn me, so I don't know why he's acting all different.

 'It's early days; I have an appointment next week.' My mum quietly says.

'Can I come?' I ask with a hopeful expression on my face as I make eye contact with her.

'You have school which is more important.'

'School is more important than my mum dying? Have you heard yourself?' I rhetorically ask as I raise my eyebrows.

'Kiera, be quiet,' my dad warns me again.

'No, how can I when she says something like that?' They both look at each other, like they don't know what to do so my mum says 'okay, fine, you can come.'

'No, she won't be able to handle it.' My dad instantly responds.

'Yes, I will, I’m not a kid anymore.' They look at each other again before my dad approves. That's settled then, I'm going to my mum's appointment next week but I can't help but dread the week that is to come.

 'We're going to get through this. As a family.' My dad says breaking the silence that falls upon us.

 'Yeah, that's what they all say,' I mutter loud enough for them to hear before heading to my room.