You Don't Know Me

Breakdown

CHAPTER 17

'Hey, are you okay?'

'What do you want Lucy?'

'I just came to check on you.'

'Well, now that you have, you can get lost now.' She sighs but makes no attempt to move. Instead, she comes closer and sits on the floor next to me and says 'I spoke to Mr. Whiteside.'

'Yes, I think I know that!'

'Jheez!'

 'I don't get it, why are you even here?' She sighs before answering, 'I thought I already told you and why are you so mad at me? Like what have I done?'

'Are you being serious right now?' She sighs again before looking down and asks 'did you get my text the other day?'

'I'm not in the mood to talk to you right now, the door is that way.' I say pointing at the door, 'so please leave.'

'I'm not leaving you like this.'

'I'm not your responsibility so just go!' More tears come rushing out of my eyes. What is wrong with me? She gets a packet of tissues out of her pocket and hands it to me.

'As I said, I’m not leaving you like this.'

'Yeah, but if Liz or Lily were here you wouldn't even give me the time of day.' Lucy gasps before saying 'that's not true.'

'Oh whatever, you know it is!'

We just sit in silence for a few minutes and I ask 'shouldn't you be heading to class?'

'Yeah, but I'll stay with you and just tell Mr. Matthews that I felt sick so I went to see the school nurse. Simple.' I scoff and shake my head at her. 'So why are you so upset today?'

'W-what?' I stutter, obviously caught off guard by her question.

 'Why were you upset? And don't say you're upset because of what Mr. Matthews said because people have called you worse and it didn't bother you. What Mr. Matthews said just tipped you over the edge because there's something else going on.' I just avoid her eyes, staring into space but listen closely to her words. 'You don't have to tell me-'

'Yeah, you're right; I don't have to tell you anything!' I shout standing up and continue, 'I mean, why the hell should I? Knowing you, you'll probably turn it against me or tell the whole school.' She looks upset but stands up and asks 'you actually think I'd do that?' I stare deeply into her eyes before replying.

 'I know so! How am I supposed to trust you? The trust we had years ago is gone and Lily may be able to trust you again and stuff but that doesn't mean I do.'

'Very nice of you,' she sarcastically mutters, sitting back down.

'No, I'll tell you what's nice, my best friend ditching me for some other girls. That was very nice, but do you see me complaining?'

'Are you actually complaining right now? That happened years ago, sorry, but get over it.'

'Get over it?' I repeat.

 'Lily has, so why haven't you?'

'Do I look like Lily?' I sarcastically ask her.

'No, Lily's prettier.'

'Yeah? Well, I'd rather be ugly than be a pair of slags.' She gasps again and just looks at me, like she can't believe what I said before walking off and I say 'I thought you weren't going to leave,' mocking her. She turns around to face me and says 'that was before you were such a dog.'

'You do know, you could've sworn right?'

'Yeah but clearly I chose not to.'

'It's a shame, swearing does fit in with your personality perfectly.' She scoffs loudly as she shakes her head.

 'I'm not even going to bother,’ she mutters and walks off. It feels stuffy inside so I decide to go outside to the fields. I walk really fast and before I know it, I’m at the fields and I sit on one of the benches.

 'Oh, I thought no one was here.'

'Go away Joe!'

'After what you said to me last week, I wouldn't come anywhere near you.' Crap! I forgot about everything I said to him.

'I forgot about that.'

'How the hell can you forget? You said the most hurtful stuff and you say you forgot? Oh well I forgot about how stupid you really are and your little habit of tending to forget things. What a shame? Your mum isn't here to explain things to you.' I open my mouth wide open, shocked at what he just said. 'No, don't give me that look, what I said is nothing compared to the things you said to me!' I can't help the tears that fall. I try so hard to blink them away but it doesn't work and before I know it, I just break down crying. Joe just stands there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Then, he comes over and sits next to me and says 'I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd react like this.'

'So if you would have, you wouldn't have said it?' I ask and when I receive no answer I just say, 'never mind, that wasn't what upset me anyway.'

'What upset you then?' My mum!

 'Just a memory.'

'Of?'

'Nothing important.' He just nods his head. Nothing important? Tears fall again because it's so important. What if she dies? And I just said it's not important. More tears fall. They keep falling until my eyes become red and puffy.

 'I thought you said it wasn't important?'

'My mum has a brain tumour!' I say all in one breath and it suddenly feels more real and I realise that it's in fact my reality. I feel his arms wrap around my small fragile body protectively, gently rocking me and says 'it's going to be okay.' I untangle myself from him instantly.

'How the hell do you know that?' He doesn't say anything. 'You know where I was this morning? I was at the hospital with my mum and she didn't even want me there!' I say sobbing sadly and he hugs me again, calming me down and asks 'do Lily or Lucy know?'

 'I haven't spoken to Lily in a while and Lucy doesn't want to know me.' He leaned into me and pulled me close, putting his arms around my shoulders, and then planting my head to his chest. He gently strokes my hair as I feel a teardrop land on my hair but as quick as it lands, it disappears. I close my eyes trying to escape this horrible reality, hoping this is all one big nightmare but then I hear Joe softly whisper, 'I want to know you.'