You Don't Know Me

The Funeral (Part 1)

CHAPTER 36

I keep tossing and turning repeatedly, so I give up on sleeping. I wake up and check the time, which reads 02:35. I decide to get up and I notice I'm sweating all over. I take my towel and go to the bathroom to have a shower.

I put the temperature to medium before I walk in to the shower. My response is immediate, the sudden shock making me tense my muscles. The water slowly warms me, soothing the ache that claws at my limbs.  

A tear tickles my cheek and mixes with the clean water as I pour the gentle soap into my hands. My fingers meet my long blonde hair, dancing into the mess it is, ridding it of the knots time had given. I drag the soap over my body, the action soothing my tough skin. The soap caressing my neck, running along my body. More tears escape my eyes.

Somewhere, above surface, I drop to the floor, letting the water caress my skin as I break down and weep. 

Eventually, my eyes become sore and my body aches all over. I have no energy left in me to cry. After taking a deep breath, I pick myself up and turn the shower of. I wrap my towel around my body and stare at my reflection. 

My red puffy eyes look tired from all the crying. My eyes have large black circles around it that are very noticeable. My face hurts up to the extent that I can hardly move it. I trace the redness lightly, using my index finger. My skin looks paler than normal and I keep on staring.

A noise coming from downstairs diverts my attention from myself. I get out of the bathroom and slip on a baggy t-shirt and my dressing gown, before tip toeing downstairs. The noises keep getting louder, as expected and they're coming from the kitchen. I go to the kitchen and I'm surprised to find my dad sitting at the dining table with his face in his palms. I clear my throat and he looks up at me. 'Kiera, what are you doing up? Its 03:30 in the morning.'

'I couldn't sleep but I could ask you the same question.'

'I couldn't sleep either,' he sighs, 'sit down,' he says, motioning towards the chair next to him.

 'I'd rather stand.' He just nods absentmindedly. 'So are you not going to explain how you and Andrea are married then?'

'I think you should sit down first.' I sigh but oblige.

'So?' 

'Me and your mother were having a difficult time an-'

'I'd appreciate it if you’d get straight to the point.' He sighs again but nods.

'Things weren't working out so we got a divorce, then I met Andrea-'

'So are you suggesting that it's perfectly fine to marry someone you meet?'

'No, I didn't say that,' he states defensively.

 'When did you get a divorce?'

'Nearly a year ago.' I scoff before asking 'so why are you only just telling me now?'

'Your mother didn't want to upset you.' I scoff again and I notice his eyes widen with worry. 'How did that happen?' He asks as he grabs my arm to look at the bruise. Oh, you should ask your wife (!) I mentally scold myself for my thoughts and say 'I got it from the hair straightener, I accidentally burnt myself,’ I say, through gritted teeth.

'Well next time, ask Andrea to straighten your hair for you.' I cringe at the thought of Andrea straightening my hair. I stand up and say 'I'm going back to sleep now' he nods and I go back to my room. 

I got into my bed and set an alarm for 08:30. I put my phone under my pillow and slowly fade into darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~

A piercing stream of light exploded in my face, blinding me due to its brightness. I check the time and see that it is 08:25. I groan at the disastrous day ahead of me. I cancel my alarm, before going to the bathroom.

I quickly get dressed in a black dress and pull my hair in a messy bun above my head. I grab my phone and some sunglasses, before heading out of the house. The cheerful atmosphere seemed terribly inappropriate for a funeral. It was as if the sun didn't know of the sorrow I was facing today

I arrive at the church and find that my dad and Andrea are there. 'Oh Kiera, you're here at last. I thought you were going to oversleep!' I roll my eyes at Andrea's statement but choose to ignore it nonetheless. 'Would you like a few minutes with your mother?' I know I'm not going to say anything but I nod my head because I want to be alone and they leave me for a while. I sit down in the front row and admire the silence.

I get lost in my thoughts and I fail to notice someone clearing their throats. I don't hear the footsteps slowly approaching me, until Lily, Lucy and Katie are standing in front of me. 'Hey, we didn't know if you wanted to be alone or anything but we came any way.' I nod at Katie's words but don't have the ability to reply. Lily sits beside me, Katie sits on the end beside Lily and Lucy sits on my other end. We just sit in silence (but I'm pretty sure they're all having secret conversation with their eyes) and wait for people to start arriving. 

Max, Tom, Chris, Joe and James arrive shortly along with Liz. Liz sits beside Lucy, with the boys beside her. They say a brief 'hello,' to which I ignore.

 'Kiera!' I turn around and look at Andrea and my dad. 'I think you should sit somewhere here for now, so you can greet the guests.'

'This isn't something I'm hosting.' I say calmly looking at Andrea.

 'I never said it was, although it would be good.'

'What Andrea means is that I'm sure people would want to talk to you, so you shouldn't...’ He pauses not knowing how to finish.

'I shouldn't what? Look so glum?' The priest arrives and looks between my dad and I. I scoff before walking back to my seat. I'm pretty sure they all heard that conversation but no one brings it up. I put my face in my hands and Lily rubs her hand down my back, soothingly.

People begin arriving and I hear them say 'I'm sorry for your loss,' before taking a seat. When I don't hear the noises of people entering the church, I turn around and I'm instantly greeted with sympathetic smiles. I realise that the church is packed with people I don't even know. I turn back around, as the priest starts the ceremony. 

It seems unfair somehow. I know I'm being selfish, but I could only think of how much I would miss those times compared to the emptiness that will follow me in life after the ceremony. My thoughts are only on my pain. Not for the first time, my eyes travel to the polished white casket. It is then that I realise I had stopped listening to the monotonous voice of the pastor, choosing to drown in memories instead. I shake my head, disgusted with myself.

I look up and see that my dad is now speaking. 'I would like to thank you all for showing your love and support by attending the final farewell of such a special lady, who throughout her life brought love and joy to many, including myself' I scoff loudly at how fake his voice is. I can feel everyone's eyes and attention me. Even my dad stops to look at me, before continuing.

The voice my dad uses is too unreal for me to bear, so I get up and leave.