Hushed (Book 2 of the Silent Series)

Dying Is Easy

I promise things get better in the next 2-3 chapters. I didn't mean to make it so depressing for so long.

Day 14:
My love, moving has become a great challenge. -S

"He is suffering with many injured bones, including his elbow, shoulder, and collar bone. He has minor brain damage, he will have a headache for a few days. His vocal chords were struck in an awkward position. He can talk, but he may choose not too from the pain." Scott overhears the nurse say. She didn't close the door all the way, just left it cracked door. 

Scott was asked if their was anyone he wanted to call when he woke up yesterday. He was trying to decide between Avi and Alex, but of course, be chose Avi. He was really the one always there for him in cases like this.

Avi walks in, sitting on the seat across from Scott's bed.

"What did you do?" Avi asks, shaking his head. It was obvious that Avi thought this was intentional, because Scott had told him about his horrific thoughts and even almost attempts of suicide.

"I didn-" Scott interrupts himself. He didn't realize how bad it hurt to speak. "It was an accident." He pushed through, forcing the words out through the pain.

"It doesn't sound like an accident." Avi says. "But we don't have to talk about it now, nor should we. You're going through way to much, we all are. You just have it the worst."

"No, you do too." Avi nods, because Kirstie was also gone and Avi was having a rough time in Arlington knowing she wasn't in the safety of her home. "Thank you for flying here."

"It's honestly not a problem." Scott nods. Avi looks over Scott's torn down body, many bandages covering his upper half, tear stains on his face, and croaky voice. This wasn't the Scott everyone knew.

"I promise I didn't try to kill myself." Scott says, even if he knew Avi wouldn't believe him. But in all honesty, it wasn't Scott's intention. He shames himself for having the thoughts again, but he never would actually go through with it.

He was caught in his thoughts, and just kept driving. He didn't even look to see a red light, indicating that he should stop. So he kept right on going, and it resulted in a car twice the size of his ramming into the side of his car.

"Okay." Avi says. Scott sighs.

"I'll explain when it doesn't hurt too talk." Avi nods.

"Scott, I want to take you to a therapist." Avi says abruptly. That was the last thing Scott wanted. He could deal with his own issues, he didn't need to rely on someone else to help him.

"No." Scott says in response.

"You can't keep having these suicidal thoughts. Even if you don't do it, the thoughts will kill you."

"I'm fine."

"Scott, you put your fucking head through a noose." Scott shake his head.

"And I took it right back out."

"But what happens that one time where you don't? What happens when you let go, and then you regret it but you can't stop it now that you've started it."

"Avi-"

"Or when you can't force yourself to vomit up the pills? What will happen to me, to Mitch?" Avi says. "Mitch is still out there somewhere. You have to have to faith."

Day 15:
Have faith, my love. -S

Scott's eyes flutter open, him feeling instant pain in his shoulder immediately after awakening.

"How are you feeling, Scott?" A nurse asks as soon as Scott's eyes can adjust to the bright light. He could already feel how dry and sore his throat was, so he just groans in response.
"Can you give me a thumbs up or thumbs down?" Scott gives her the middle finger instead.

All Scott wanted was a little time to rest before immediately being asked questions. He was just brought out from surgery and wasn't in the mood.

His whole body hurt, especially where his shoulder and collar bone lay. He couldn't even open his mouth without moaning in pain. The nurse leave the room, muttering something about respect under her breath.

While Scott sat alone in his hospital room, really having to pee, he took the time to think to himself. He could think about anything he wanted. That was the pleasure of your own thoughts, no one told you how to use them.

So he thought about his life at first. How precious life is, and that dying is giving up. Scott was never one to give up on things. Life was the hardest thing to do successfully.

Dying was easy, living is harder.

Scott smiles. He couldn't tell if it was real or not, to be completely honest. Some things were very unclear too the boy now. Everything seemed to be confusing, like some type of ethical answer went with every single thing in this world.

The door creaks open and tray of food and brought to Scott. A doctor sits it on the table next to him.

Scott takes a look at the food and laughs quietly. Hospital food looked and tasted horrible. He didn't know why they kept bringing it in, he never ate it. Avi brought him chipotle usually, so it was useless to bring Scott hospital food.

Scott looks to the IV on his arm, then looks to the bathroom. It wouldn't be bad if he took it out for a second to pee, right? Of course not. He quickly slides it out of his arm and stands up, ignoring the fact that he found himself extremely dizzy and wobbly.

When he reaches for the door handle, his body gives out, resulting in Scott toppling over. The door opens, and Scott sees Avi.

"Scott!" He yells. "What are you doing?"

"I just needed to pee." He says. Avi grabs his arm, helping him back up and setting him in his bed.

"This is why I want you too see a therapist..."

"Because I needed to pee?"

"Because you just took and IV out of your arm and toppled to the ground."

"I didn't mean anything by it, I just thought I could take it out-" Scott chokes on his words, this really hurt. "Take it out and pee quickly. I was going to put it back in." Avi shakes his head, and Scott knew he didn't believe him.

Avi thought Scott was actually going to commit.

Day 16:
I won't commit, my love. I know you'll return to me, I just have to stay alive to see it. -S