Hushed (Book 2 of the Silent Series)

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T-5 chapters. Start the countdown. (I know y'all are confused).

"I thought we could go into detail about specific feelings today." Susan says. "If you're up to it." Scott nods shyly. "I'll just go ahead and start. Can you explain your thoughts during the time you spent alone in detail to further my understanding?"

"I, um, I can try." Susan nods. "I thought he was dead. The thought of Mitch being dead was almost the same thing as saying I was dead. I wanted to be with him so badly that I thought I'd be able to see him in heaven rather than down here."

"You love Mitch. That is very obvious, my boy, but sometimes you should worry about yourself a little as well. I understand that you would do anything for him, but you should've done things for yourself as well." Scott nods. "Do continue."

"Okay. I wasn't thinking as myself. I was thinking as a dead version of me. I wasn't thinking about others, how it would affect them. I was only thinking about Mitch, and the thought of wanting something that I couldn't have at the time made me want to, you know, die..."

"I like to see that you've realized that you were thinking unreasonably. You see now how many people it could be affected? Your friends, family, and even Mitch. You don't think about these things during, but after. Aren't you glad you didn't go through?"

"I'm so grateful I didn't commit."

"Why did you feel like committing was the only way? Did you think of any other ways to help you?"

"No, I guess I didn't. I didn't think anything would help me escape this. I had told a very, very close friend of mine but I wasn't thinking 'hopefully he'll help me' when telling him." Scott says. "I thought if I died, I'd have a chance of being closer to Mitch and I'd get to see..." Scott didn't want to say the words.

"See who?"

"My b-brother." He teared up at just two simple words. "Do we have to talk about him?"

"Not if you don't want to." Scott nods.

"I don't."

"That's absolutely okay. I'm here to make you feel comfortable and safe. We will save it for another session." He nods again. "Now, what were your thoughts when you stopped yourself? Were you grateful?"

"No." He says truthfully. "I was terrified of myself. Of the things I could do without controlling it. It was like my body was taken over and I just had to suffer while I was being killed. I was curious of all of the things I could do to myself without anyone there to stop me. And I tried them."

"You see now how untamed you can become when you aren't realizing the extremes you put yourself through. You did it with out realizing, didn't you? It just all happened?"

"Yes. That's exactly how it went. I wasn't even thinking, just moving. Like my brain has shut off and my body took over for it. Like it had a mind of its own."

"Good, good. It's a good thing to know exactly what you did and how to prevent it if it ever happens again. Hopefully it won't. But you should continue to confront everything you did wrong, it's good for you brain to realize your mishaps."

"Okay." Scott says.

"What we're your thoughts after the pills?"

"Something like 'holy shit, what the fuck am I doing!' kind of thing." Scott laughs silently to himself. "I was in shock. I couldn't believe I did it."

"What caused you to vomit them up?"

"Fear."

"That's it?" Scott nods. "And what about the noose?"

"Still the same thing. Fear."

"What were you afraid of?"

"Dying."

"That's the most important fear, my boy. It's a good thing you chose to not face your fears. Facing your fears does not help you at all, actually. It could push you over the edge and result in injuries due to mental and emotional relations." Scott nods. "Shall we wrap it up for today?" Scott nods again. She smiles and hands him a box a tissues. He takes a few and hugs her before leaving the room. Mitch was waiting when he got out, a big smile on his face and open arms ready for a hug. Scott shyly hugs him.

"Your okay?" He asks while Scott pays Susan. Scott shrugs.

"I don't like crying but it wasn't as bad as last time." Mitch frowns and clings to Scott's arm. They walk out of the door before Mitch stops and pulls on his arm.

"Smile?" Mitch asks. Scott smiles at him. Mitch smiles back. "Lucky." He says. "I'm lucky." Scotts smile got a whole lot bigger. Mitch puckers his lips and Scott leans down and places a kiss on his lips. Mitch places his hand on the back of Scott's neck and pulls him closer.

"Fags." He hears someone mutter. Scott turns and angrily starts towards the man, his hand balled into a fist. Mitch grabs his arm and pulls him back, shaking his head.

"No, Superman. Car." Scott swallows but listens and gets into the car before he did something he'd regret. Scott starts the car and heads home, Mitch turning in the music and quietly humming to himself.

Scott loved when Mitch hummed. He couldn't sing the words, but he could hum the notes and Scott thought that he sounded beautiful. He had told Mitch before but he for insecure and denied it. If Scott mentioned it, he'd stop singing so he just didn't say anything so he could hear Mitch's voice again. He didn't hum very often so Scott tried to savor it when he did.

Mitch reaches over and intertwines his fingers with Scott's free hand, bringing it to his lips and places a few kisses on it. Scott looks over and smiles at him.

"Sing." Mitch says. He told Scott to sing every time Beyoncé came on because he got to hear 'both of his favorite people at work'. Mitch's words exactly.

"Later." Scott says, leaning over and pecking Mitch at a red light.