Hushed (Book 2 of the Silent Series)

Therapy

"I don't think I belong here..." Scott says, looking at the therapist. She sighs.

"Many people don't. The thoughts and attempts you were having are not healthy if they are as bad as Avi explained them." Susan, the therapist says.

"It was because Mitch was gone, but he is back so I'm okay. Everything is okay!" Scott exclaims.

"It doesn't matter if he is back, it's the fact that you even thought about it." Scott tilts his head back in frustration. "I can't force you to do therapy, but I strongly recommend it. All we will do is talking about your feelings. If you get frustrated, you tell me and we will change the subject."

"I don't like talking about my feelings..."

"Sometimes, that's the reason you should do it." She explains. "How about we try it out today and you let me know if you want to schedule another appointment." Scott nods and Susan smiles.

"Will I cry?" Scott asks.

"It depends on how sensitive you are about this subject. Shall we start?" Scott nods. "I'll start easy and just ask you some questions about how you felt during the time that Mitch wasn't home, okay?"

"Okay."

"How did you feel? Can you explain your emotions to me?"

"I felt alone, like it was my fault. That the thought of him possibly being dead was enough to make me want to be dead..." Scott says, fiddling with his fingers.

"Is that all or can you keep going?"

"I can keep going, I guess. I felt stressed. I didn't know what to do. I took some anti-stress pills, but then thought of what would happen if I took too many. And then I started taking too many-" Scott chokes on his words, feeling tears rise to the brim of his eyes. "I thought I was going to die." He whispers the last part.

"We're you scared?"

"I was terrified." He says honestly. "I thought I'd be letting him down if I did that to myself.

"How did you stop the pills from working?"

"I stuck my finger down my throat and forced myself to throw them up." He says quietly. Susan nods.

"Did you do that for him, for yourself, or both?"

"For him." Scott looks down. "I wanted to die so bad." He chokes out, now letting all of his tears fall. He knew there was no preventing it during this.

"I'm glad you didn't. You are a strong person, my son." Scott nods, not sure if he believed her or not. He didn't think he was. "What happened after that? Were you still having thoughts?"

"No." He says. "I was still trying to commit." He lets out more tears. "I hurt myself so badly."
Scott whispers. "Please don't tell Mitch." He begs.

"Everything you say will stay in this room unless you tell people yourself. Your words are safe with me." Scott shyly smiles, but it wasn't a real one. "Can you tell me what you did to yourself?" He nods slowly. "Remember, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to say."

"I should say it. I cut myself. A lot. I have the scars on my arm." Scott slowly lifts up his sleeve. Susan stops him.

"You don't have to show me, honey. I believe you." He nods and puts his sleeve back down.

"I burned myself. It hurt so bad that I couldn't take it anymore..."

"Is that all?"

"No." He says. He didn't even really say it, he breathed it. His mouth formed the word, but no sound came out. She knew what he said. "I tried to hang myself." Susan shakes her head. "I hung up a noose and everything. I even put my head through it."

"Obviously you didn't go through with it. Why is that?"

"I was scared shitless! I thought I'd actually die and that was terrifying! I was so scared of myself and what I could do without anyone stopping me." He was almost to the point of having a break down. Susan knew this session needed to be ended soon.

"Is that all?"

"I can't believe that it's not. The rest is just thoughts, I promise."

"I believe you."

"I was in the car driving by myself and I thought about purposely crashing into someone else or running into a traffic pole."

"And you went through with it that time...."

"No. I didn't. Everyone thinks I did because of my thoughts, but I wasn't thinking normally and then I didn't even realize there was a red light!" He was starting to breathe heavily. "And then a truck hit me! I didn't mean to! I promise! I don't want to die! Fuck, I really don't! I'm so sorry!" Susan runs over and hugs Scott, him collapsing into her arms and letting out loud sobs and cries. "I don't want to die." He whispers. Susan shushes him and runs her hand through his hair.

"I know, sweetheart." She whispers.

"Can we be done for today? Please? I don't think I can handle anymore." Scott says, wiping his eyes.

"Of course, honey. We won't talk about planning another session today. How about I give you my phone number and you call or have someone call when you are ready? You don't even have to call if you don't want to come back. You did really good today, though. I think it'd be a good idea to return."

"Can I have a glass of water?" Susan shakes her head and quickly opens the small mini fridge and grabbing a bottle of water. She hands it to him and he takes small sips, regaining his composure. "I'm sorry." He whispers. "I didn't mean to break down like that. I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize. You did everything perfectly today. I'm proud of how well you handled your first session, my boy."

"Susan?"

"Yes?"

"I think I want to start coming regularly."