Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die!

Chapter Thirty Two - I Want To Live A Life From A New Perspective

(Patrick's Point Of View)

"Pete! You don't know and never will know what it feels like loving two people that you can never have!" With that I run out the tour bus with tears running down my face. Leaving Pete stand there in confusion, but I can care less. At the moment.

I seriously meant it though. Yeah I have Pete, but I don't have him. If you don't understand then there is no need for an explanation.

The only reason I ran off the bus because I was afraid. Afraid that Pete would hit me, question me more and that would have lead to the truth. I almost slipped when I told him Sarah divorced Brendon, which is true, but not the complete truth.

I just need to get away and think things through. Talk to someone that will might understand. Someone who won't judge me nor announce it to the world, but just be between them and I, but I have no one. Maybe the guys from Papa Roach? No because I am not that close with them well maybe that will be a good thing. How about Dallon? I don't know, he's to close with Brendon, but he will help me out and will keep it a secret. My own parents? No they will judge me to harshly.

Okay I have come to a conclusion, no one or all the above? Yeah all the above. I need other people's opinion on my "crisis."


Okay to sum it up I talked with everyone and actually had a meeting thing. First, Papa Roach, well Jacoby anyway, he did most of the talking which annoyed the holy smokes out of me, said just follow my heart and what feels right. Yeah, if it were that easy. Jerry had a good point though, he said the biggest sign is in plain sight yet is very obstruct. Pretty wise words, to me anyways. Tobin and Tony weren't much help at all, they were just making fun of the entire time. The only ones to understand was Jerry and Jacoby. Tell me again why I went to them again?

Next, my parents. They were surprisingly supportive with me. They said if you love someone and they love you, they will always come back. Whatever that meant.

The only person I have yet to talk to is Dallon. I am kind of procrastinating, I kind of need to think everything else through, but I have been procrastinating for five hours now. It's time to go to talk.

I take the long way to his house just to procrastinate more. Then, I finally get there. I sit in my car for a few minutes before taking a deep breathe and walking up to his door. I knock and there was a minute of silence so, I decided to walk away. I hear a Dallon answer the door and exclaim, "Patrick?"

I turn around, "Yes?"

"What are you doing here?" He asks.

"I uh, came to talk. About personal things." I answer.

"Well come in then." He gets out of the way and I walk in him closing the door behind me.

"Dallon I need help. I don't know what to do anymore."

"Patrick what are you talking about?"

"You see I love Pete well obviously, but there is other person that-"

"Brendon." He fake coughs, "Yeah I know. He told me what happened with you two."

"Well, I am super confused and I cannot...I don't know Dallon."

"Here is what I know. You should do whatever you want. I mean, you have to decide. Well, you are married with Pete and all."

"I know, I know, but I have so many mixed feelings. I can't just leave Pete."

"Closure."

"Closure?"

"Yes. Maybe if you have closure with him and tell you can't do it maybe you'll feel better."

"I-I will. Thanks I guess."

"No problem, but I mean you cant fight yourself for who want most."

"If it were that easy." I sigh.

"Patrick, whatever your decision is, it will not be wrong."

"Okay."

I run out of the house and not think of going to my car, but running to the house.

I get there and hesitate to walk in, but I decide to go in. I walk into the kitchen up to Him and turn Him around and push Him against the counter spilling His coffee. Man He looks so cute. that red beanie with His hair tucked in just right on his head, shirt off, snap out of it Patrick!

"I fucking love you, but I can't be with you," I kiss Him hard, "Please understand," With that I leave. I feel better for some odd reason.

But the thing is, I am more comfortable with Him with everything. Swearing, the intimacy, talking things out, just everything. I am way more comfortable with Him than Pete.

"Patrick wait!" Brendon exclaims as I slam the door behind me.