Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die!

Chapter Forty Three - Awkward.

(Patrick's Point Of View)

What the hell was Elisa doing here? The way she looked at me with that wild smile and those wild eyes. That shows that she knew about us coming here, but how would she have found out? Those were the last thoughts before drifting off to sleep, finally.


I get woken up by Mona screaming, Pete doesn't seem to notice over his snoring.

"I'm going to die! I'm going to die!"

Without any hesitation I run out of the room to Mona's room, knocking on the door.

"Honey? Are you okay?"

"No I'm not! I'm dying right now!"

"May I come in?"

"Uh, sure, but it's embarrassing."

"I won't come in if you don't want me to."

"No go ahead."

I walk into her room cautiously finding her not in bed nor anywhere. So, I cautiously peak into the bathroom finding her sitting on the ground with her knees up to her chest, her face buried into her knees.

"Mona? What's wrong?" I sit down next to her.

"Well," she lifts her head to look at me, "I'm going to die."

"You're not going to die," I chuckle, "What makes you think you are?"

"Well, this is embarrassing to say, but I doubt a girl is suppose to be bleeding from her girl parts."

"Well, you are not going to die I'll tell you that much."

"How are you so sure?" She glares at me curiously.

"This is an awkward conversation, but you have to be educated. So, when a woman gets to a certain age, when they hit puberty, they have these things called periods."

"Huh?"

"You see, there are these uh, sex cells-"

"Hehe, sex."

"Anyways, reproductive cells, or eggs that are uh, you know, for babies. If these eggs don't uh, it's just normal for this to happen okay?" I get up to leave.

"Okay, but I want to learn more about it because I want to be knowledgeable about what the human body is."

I sigh and sit back down, "Okay, but this is really awkward for me." I smile.

I explain to her all of it. From the male reroductive organs to the female's. The male sex cells to the females and how they "wprk" together to make a baby. The period. My favorite part, not really, sex and the real meaning of it, that it's not just for the pleasure purposes. Throughout the whole thing, she didn't seem uncomfortable at all. Just really interested. Mona asked me questions on what she was confused on. Soon I got comfortable. I was oddly excited that she was excited I don't know why. I even surprised myself that I knew so much. I knew stuff I didn't know.

"Well, that's basically it."

"Wow, I never realized how fascinating your body can be, I mean, as in a way that your body knows...I don;t even know..." She trails off.

I chuckle, "Yeah, but the most awkward part about this, is that we have to get you pads and/or tompons for it." I get up and walk out of her room finding Pete in the kitchen making coffee. I put my arms around him, "Babe, we have to go girl shopping." I kiis his neck and let go of him stepping back.

"Girl sho-" He cuts himself, "Mona started?"

I nod.

"O-M-G! So, you had to have the talk of the birds and bees?"

"Yup." I checkle, "I thought it was going to be awkward, for both of us, but I was wrong. She just asked questions and whatnot."

"Well then. Oh good morning sunshine!" Pete exclaims as Mona walks into the kitchen fully ready. He gives her a hug and kisses her forehead.

"Well, I should get ready." I say as I leave going to our room.

I take a shower, gets dressed, puts on my fedor and glasses, walks out of the room, "Ready guys?"

"Yay!" Pete exclaims sarcastically.

"U-uh, I guess." Mona half whispers.

"Well lets get this over with." I sigh. With that we leave for the store.

We get to the store, Pete and Mona stayed in the car, and sadly I already know where to go and what things to buy. I guess that was the upside of having an ex-wife? I don't know. I garb the pands and tampons and go to the checkout counter. I'm not even embarrassed I;m buying these.

"Oh my God! You're Patrick Stump!"

"Yes that's me." I smile.

"You're buying these for your wife?" She asks scanning them.

"No, daughter."

"What?" Her jaw drops.

"Yeah, Pete and I adopted a fifteen year old daughter and she started today in fact."

"W-wait, Pete?"

"Yes, Pete. Why? Is it wrong for two men to be in love?"

"N-no that's not what I was saying Mr.Stump. I never have thought Peterick was real." She hands me the bag, "Well, bye. Have a good day."

"You too." I smile at her and leaves the store.

We are back at the suite now. I hand Mona the stuff, "What am I suppose to do with these?" She asls looking into the bag.

"You use them, or else you'll...how do I out this? A mess?"

"Well, how do I use them?"

"Well..." I scrtach the back of my head.

Pete chimes in walking back in from the bedroom, "The tampons you have to stick up inside you or you put the pads on your underwear," He goes into the kitchen and makes more coffee.

"Yeah, basically that." I say.

"Well, I don't want anything inside me so..." She runs into the bathroom to end the conversation, I don't blame her.

"So, our little big girl is growing up!" Pete says taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah I guess, but holy smokes is this awkward!"

"At leased I didn't have the talk with her. So, it's way more awkward for you." He laughs hysterically. I punch him in the arm teasingly, "Hey! I was just fucking kidding!" As he says this Mona comes back quietly, sits down on the couch and turns the T.V. on.

"I know. I just felt like hitting you," I wink and kisses him passionately, rubbing myself on Pete.

I forget Mona is even there before she says walking past us into the kitchen, "Uh, Dad? Pete? Shouldn't you guys not be doing that here? In front of me especially?" She opens the fridge getting out a water.

"Oh, sorry." Pete says stepping away blushing. I alos step away blushing.

"It's okay, but now that's awkward more than anything." She sits back down on the couch and I know what she was refering to.

Holy smokes this whole day has been the most awkward day of my entire life.