Plaid Skirts and Handcuffs (Frerard)

Chapter 32

I stumbled into my house, immediately going for a bottle of alcohol. I slid my back down the wall as I downed it, feeling the liquid burn my throat. My eyes closed shut as I tried to breathe. Thoughts swam through my mind, each one seemingly worse than the last. I tried to block it out, tried to drown them out with the alcohol.

I had gone to the hospital immediately after I got the phone call. However, my mom had passed before I got there. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. Sarah said she told her to tell me she loves me. She tried to give me sympathy, along with other nurses, but I wasn't having any of that. I didn't want their hugs and their kind words, my mom just fucking died. I hated that hospital, I hated all the doctors who couldn't save her.

I hated myself. I hate that I haven't been spending as much time with her. I used to visit every day but now it's only a couple times a week. I've been such a bad son. I've been paying more attention to my boyfriend and out stupid little problems than to my own sick mother. What kind of disgusting person does that?

I could feel the alcohol working through me. It was starting to numb and help dull the pain. I the bottle was half empty and I planned on finishing it. Maybe I'll just die of alcohol poisoning. If I did then I wouldn't have to deal with my mom's death or my problems with Gee. It could all just be gone. Everything would be at peace again.

"Fucking idiot," I muttered to myself.

I stood up, setting the bottle onto the counter. I felt angry, upset about everything that's happened. Everything with Gee and my mom. It's all just going down into this spiral of a shit storm that's becoming my life. My life that's becoming completely unfair. I've lost both my parents, I'm losing my first love. I could even have a fucking STD for Christ's sake. I fucking drink and smoke and the only people that actually fucking like me are being taken away from me.

I kicked a chair over in frustration, looking at the bills that sat on the table. I grabbed them, balling them all up and ripping the papers, tossing the shreds down onto the ground carelessly. I took another swig of the bottle and looked at a photo hanging on the wall. It was of me when I was just a baby with my mom and my dad smiling happily. I took the picture off the hook, looking down at it sadly before letting it fall from my hands and break on the tile floor.

None of this stuff really matters anymore. If I can't have my family and I can't have Gee, then what's the point?

But none of this all really fucking matters. Because in the end it's all the same, we all just end up buried six feet under ground. And yeah, some people might be sad over you at first but soon enough you'll be forgotten. You'll just be another corpse inside a cemetery that nobody even cares about. All the things you did in life won't matter anymore. Everyone is only here on earth for just a little bit before we all end up deceased, rotting in the ground for the rest of eternity.

I faintly noticed a knock on the door and the sound of it opening. My hands were balled up into tight fists as I felt a hand rest gently onto my shoulder. They moved to wrap their arms around my middle, their face pressed against my back. I knew that touch anywhere, I knew it was Gee.

"I rode my bike all the way here when I heard you walked out of class," Gee said quietly. "Are you okay, daddy?"

I pulled away from him, grabbing the bottle and taking another drink. Gee looked at the bottle sadly before looking back at me. Flopsy was in his hand but he set the toy down onto the table.

"Isn't it too early to be drinking?" He asked.

"It's night time somewhere," I replied, my words slightly slurred.

He reached for the bottle, almost seeming nervous to do so. I jerked my hand away to keep it from him and he looked even more sad.

"What's wrong, daddy?" Gee asked, but I ignored him and took another swig. "Daddy, I can help you if you tell me."