The Jackson's Household

Chapter 46

Noah's POV.

So it's been a month. A whole month since I was at the hospital...for the third time. Everyone seems to think everything is okay. Well it's not. It would be a miracle if I could longer than two months.

I want to stay alive for a lot of reasons but the main reason is that I want to see my little sisters. It's like my dieing wish. Oh yeah, and I want to be with Carson.

My mom is almost 5 months in her pregnancy. I can't wait to see them. I mean if I see them. A good thing is that my mom said I could name them. I like the names Brooklyn and Ashlyn. I thought about it for awhile and it sounds good to me. It's like how Asher and Ryder's names rhyme so I decided would do the same for the girls.

Anyways, it's Carson's birthday today. He's turning 16 and he's having his party at Jordan's house. Am I jealous? No. Jordan is Carson's best friend after all.

This is a moment to be happy. But I just can't seem to be happy. I'm just putting on fake smiles for everyone. They have enough to worry about and I can't be a burden.

On the bright side my hair is starting to grow back. But it's kind of embarrassing because I have some bald spots on my head. It's better to be all bald or have a full head of hair.

I hate that there is a lot of people at this birthday party. So many people from Carson's school is wandering all over the place drinking, laughing, dancing, and socializing. I keep forgetting that Carson is a very social guy and loves party.

I do not belong here. I just want to go home, but Carson would be upset with me. I shouldn't be picky about this anyway. This is my party but it is my boyfriend's and I just wish to spend it with him alone.

I even notice that he's been more popular these days with me not at school anymore. It makes me feel like I was holding him back.

Man, I'm just such a loser.

"Having fun, babe?" Carson asked me. I once again out on one of my fake smiles.

"Oh yeah...so much fun." I piped up. He leaned down and gave me a kiss in my lips.

"Glad you're here." He mumbled against my lips. His breath reeked with alcohol. I hate that he drinks. If he wants me to stop cutting then he should stop drinking. It's a two way street.

I pushed him away gently.

"You had a lot to drink." I pointed out.

"Yeah. So? It's not like I'm drunk or anything." He said.

"But you just reek of alcohol. No need to get offended or anything." I told him.

"I'm not. Do you wanna head up stairs or something?" He asked giving me a knowing look. My eyes widen and I shook my head.

"I'm good Carson. I think I'm just gonna head outside for a bit. To get some fresh air or something."

"Baby it's cold outside." He said.

"I have a jacket. But do you want to come outside with me?" I asked.

"Yo Carson, we're gonna play some games upstairs. Join us!." One of his goons yelled for him. Carson looked at me and I gave him a pleading look to stay with.

"Carson. You're coming with me?" I asked softly. He gave me an apologetic look. I nodded my head slowly.

"Oh um, go ahead actually. I-I'll be fine." I said sadly.

"We'll hang out soon. Babe, I promise." He said while he bended down to give me a hug and a kiss in the cheek.

"Okay." I said after he left. As Carson becomes more and more popular, I become more and more unimportant. I don't want us to break up again. I really, really, really love him. Losing him once we were able to get back together but twice. I'm ot sure it would be even possible.