In Vancouver

Chapter 30~ I watch over a mess

After school I come home to a messy apartment. I walk around the kitchen, and then spot 3 beer bottles on the counter. They're empty. If he drank all of those while he still has a hangover, he's going to be in bad shape.

"Jayson?" I yell, pulling off my heels one at a time and running towards the stairs, checking on the couches to see if he's there. I run straight to his room and check if he's there. He is.

He's curled up on his bed wearing only a pair of pants. I see two more bottles on the ground beside the bed and a whole bunch of photos spread all over the floor. I spot a few torn ones in the trash can near the door too. The room is just a mess in general. Clothes, crumpled balled up papers, photos, and opened letters litter the floor.

"Hey." I say entering slowly. He looks so tired. His hair is a mess and his eyes are closed.

"You okay?" I ask, slipping into the room fully.

When he opens his eyes and sees me, a tear slips down his cheek.

"Oh Jayson. Look what a mess you are." I sigh quietly so he can't hear me.

I crawl into bed behind him and lay down. I don't know what's going on with him, but I can tell he needs someone to be there for him.

"Aubrey I'm sorry I messed us up." Jayson says, and I can tell he hasn't been drinking too recently. He's almost in his right mind and isn't slurring his words.

"Shhh. It's okay. We don't need to talk about this now."

"I think we do." He answers.

"No we don't." I say again, putting a finger to his lips.

"I just wanted someone to be there for me. I couldn't deal with my mom dying, and I can't forgive my brother. He was drunk, he crashed the car. It was his fault. I miss her so much. He says, and I can hear the pain in his voice.

I feel horrible. His brother was the one driving when his mom died, and I dated him.

"Shh, come hear." I say, wrapping my arms around him.

It feels so weird, but also very natural. We were close before dating, and that hasn't gone away. We are still friends and I am supposed to comfort him. I haven't been doing that. I've been letting our broken screwed up relationship get in the way of helping him.

I cradle his head in my neck and few tears roll down his cheeks and onto my skin.

This is what I was pushing him to tell me that day we went to visit his dad. I feel horrible for those few weeks we didn't talk. His mother's gone, he doesn't talk to his dad because of the divorce and his brother killed his mother by drunk driving. He doesn't have any of them.

"I'm going to be here okay Jayson? Even when we fight, I'm here for you."

"I know." He whispers.

I lay with him pressed close to me for a hour or so. He needs it. Our faces are inches away and it reminds me of when we used to actually sleep this close together. When he wasn't drunk and broken and when we were close. It's hard to not move because I'm not used to this anymore, but I stay.

I leave him to sleep as soon as he drifts off, knowing he will probably not be drunk when he wakes up, and will just be extremely tired and worn out.

I clean up the mess on his floor, organizing everything into piles and putting away the clothes before deciding to go downstairs.

I check the garbage can near the door as I leave and see that the picture torn up inside are the ones of him and his brother. It's seems like while I was at school it's was an emotional day for him.

Once I've changed into pajamas I head downstairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I make some chili for dinner, and when it's 8:30 at night, a late time for dinner, I go and get him.

He's sitting on his bed, pulling on a shirt when I walk in. "Oh good, your up." I day, feeling a bit awkward that he seems normal now and I've seen him in such a sad state. He doesn't seem concerned that I know everything now.

"I'm sorry you always have to deal with me, especially these last few days when I've been drunk. You must think I'm stupid." He says standing and coming closer to me.

"Jayson, you don't have to apologize for trying to forget bad things that have happened to you. I'm not going to judge you on that." I say, looking up at him.

He studies my face, and my breathing speeds up. It feels just like right before he kissed me for the first time.

"And that's why you are one of my favourite people." He says, brushing a hair away from my face to behind my ear. I smile and he starts to move away.

"Let's not fight anymore okay?" He asks.

"Okay" I reply.

He smiles.

"I made chili for dinner." I say, moving towards the stairs. I'm not sure if I'm ready for him to be close to me again.

"Thanks." He sighs, following me down the stairs.

I give him a bowl of chili and he finishes it within minutes. Then he gets up and heads up to his room. I finish eating a few minutes later and then head to the couch and sit down to watch some t.v.

Partway through the second episode I've watched Jayson comes back down and slides himself into the spot between me and the arm of the couch. He wraps his arms around my neck and pulls me closer to him.

I have been watching the screen this whole time, but this throws me off and I turn my head to look at him.

He isn't looking at me, but when he does, it doesn't seem like he wants to kiss me. He just wants to be close to someone. Instead of telling him to stop like I usually would I just turn back to the t.v.

"Jayson your knee is in my spine." I sigh, with a small smile on my face.

"Oh, sorry" he says, moving his leg, and I lean back a bit more, relaxing. Maybe we actually can go back to just being friends.

He reaches around me and grabs the remote, changing the channel to his favourite show, and I groan quietly to myself.

I watch quietly and Jayson doesn't try to get any closer, so I feel okay to turn my body enough that my head is on his chest. I can't deny that he is definitely comfortable to lay against, and I get cold easily.

I find myself realizing how much I've missed this. Jayson looks down at me and I brush my fingers through his hair.

"You need a haircut, its halfway to your shoulders."

"I know . It's starting to bug me to. I don't get why you care so much though." He replies.

I look away, my cheeks going a bit red.

"I don't care that much, I just have to see it every day." I mumble, knowing that really I just prefer it a bit shorter. He doesn't need to know that though.