Hold me close {{Larry one-shots and drabbles}}[ON HOLD]

Not alone

 Where Louis is still hurting, he needs Harry but it's a little bit easier now to deal with the pain.
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His fingers trace shapeless patterns on the window and Louis closes his eyes just for a moment, his mind falling into the familiar daydream. The one where he can still hear Harry’s deep laughter echo through the house, where he can still feel the warmth of Harry’s body next to him, where he still knows nothing has changed; the one place where he still has Harry.

But when he opens his eyes he’s still alone and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s sure he’ll never be all right, in the proper sense of the word. He knows he’ll still be hurting tomorrow, that he’ll be still hurting for a long, long time. It’s a little bit easier to deal with that dull pain that’s become a part of him; it’s a little bit easier to smile now, believe that maybe for a while; just for a while he wasn’t alone.

***

He had hoped -hoped wildly that he would see Harry back on his feet, the green eyes sparkling with life but fate had other plans. So Louis stood by watching as Harry wasted away, becoming a mere shadow of what he was and then one day Harry was gone; suddenly and without warning. Louis found his whole world out of balance.  Nothing made sense, right from the time the doctor told him how sorry he was for Louis’s loss. It didn’t make sense when he found Liam, Niall and Zayn crying, it didn’t make sense when his mother and Anne sobbed while they hugged him. It didn’t make sense for Harry to not be alive because that wasn’t supposed to happen.

Harry wasn’t supposed to fall ill during their tour, he wasn’t supposed to have brushed it off as ‘just headaches’, he  wasn’t supposed to have collapsed in the middle of their concert and never woken up.  Harry wasn’t supposed to go, wasn’t supposed to leave like this.

He didn’t cry until the funeral, not until they lowered the casket to the ground. He didn’t cry until he realized that it was happening for real, that he couldn’t wake up from this nightmare. But the pain never really went away; it seeped right into his bones, marking itself into his skin.

The days and months passed in a daze of waking up screaming Harry’s name, days where he never spoke to anyone. Days where he just wished that he could just turn back time, days where he just wanted Harry back.

***

But after a while he got used to the pain, it was part of him now; tangible and so real. So it became a little bit easier, easier for him to just forget sometimes, maybe believe that it was still the same. Believe that maybe for a while; just for a while he wasn’t alone.

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